A Broke Comic Challenges One of the World’s Richest Geezers.

January 16, 2012

When somebody woke super billionaire geezer Warren Buffett from his nap the other day it seems they told him Conservative around the country have been chiding him for his tax rantings. Some suggested, me among them, that if Mr. Buffett really felt he had been short changing Uncle Sam he could take a billion or two of his dough and voluntarily dump it into the IRS coffers.

Before he was fully awake someone let him give an interview to Time Magazine in which he challenges Republican members of Congress to pony up their own dough and he will match them dollar for dollar. He even went as far to say he’d match Mitch McConnell three to one. Big whoop, Warren!   

It seems the Nabob of Nebraska has missed the point altogether on several levels. First, it wasn’t Republicans in Congress who said they weren’t paying enough; it was you, Mr. Buffett. Most of us believe we are already paying too much. So why should you challenge the Congress to pay more? 

Second, it shows that Buffett knows about the gigantic scale of his fortune. He is risking very little for big publicity. With his fortune vast and he could easily match the entire net worth of all of the members of congress and not lose a serious fraction of his worth. I put a little perspective on Buffett’s challenge for you. Let’s say my net worth is $10,000 and your net worth is $2. I ask you to bet me $2 on a challenge. In order to accept you have to risk 100% of your net worth while I will be only putting up .0002% of mine. Mr. McConnell is said to be worth somewhere between 10 and 20 million. Not bad, but a small fraction of Mr. Buffett’s 50 + billion.

This “challenge” also is exactly what Mr. Buffett says is wrong with the tax system. It not about raw dollars, his percentage is too low.

So, in the interest of fairness, I have a counter offer for Mr. Buffett that fits more with his point about taxes. I will donate 1% of my net worth to Uncle Sugar if he will. I will also try to recruit 49 more conservatives to do the same. If he will match us all we have a deal. Besides, if he believes Obama and the government are so good with money why did he shelter a huge portion of his money in various charitable funds rather than donating it to the government? Why does he take only 100K a year as salary and the rest of his vast income as dividends and capital gains? Because the taxes are lower! If this phony horse’s backside really wants to pay more he should just declare all of his income as straight salary and fill out a 1040EZ He’ll get to pay plenty. Until then, Warren, STFU!


The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: New Progressive Tax Proposals

June 9, 2009

When you spend a few trillion bucks you don’t have, at some point you need to come up with a plan to pay that money back. If you don’t, you look bad and no messianic cult figure ever wants to look like he doesn’t know what’s up. If you are a working stiff you have two ways to get money to pay off your debts, earn more or spend less. If you own the printing press like the Federal Government you have another option, create inflation. For example, if you printed enough money to cause inflation to rise by a factor of ten you could pay back a trillion dollars of debt with money that is in reality only worth 100 billion. The down side of that is that milk ends up costing thirty three dollars a gallon.

"If you get too cold I will tax the heat"

"If you get too cold I will tax the heat"

Another thing a government can do to raise revenue to pay off their debt is expand the economy. That one is tough when you have just bought GM, AIG and are getting ready to nationalize health care. Corporate types aren’t too keen to expand their businesses when Uncle Sam is looking to control them.

A third option is to raise taxes. When President Obama was still candidate Obama he promised not to raise taxes on the middle class. At least I think that’s what he said, or did he say income taxes? Then too, there was a little vacillation on what was meant by middle class. Was it earners over $250,000 or $150,000?

If  President Obama were to take all of the money from the top five percent of all folks in the country I’m not sure he could raise the eleven or twelve trillion needed to pay off the debt. Since he has painted himself into a corner with the income tax pledge he has asked a blue ribbon panel to come up with some ideas for raising revenue. Here are their recommendations:

The Ambition Tax: It’s really not fair that you are willing to do more that someone else. That un-levels the playing field and gives you an advantage over lazy people who live around you. Take a second job and you pay more! Start a business and meet your new partner, Uncle Sam. You go back to school to try to get ahead, pay up sucker!

The Tax Tax: If you can afford to pay taxes you obviously have money. If you have money you can afford to pay more.  The more you have already paid the more you can afford to pay. I know it sounds like circular logic but circular logic works because circular logic works!

Gun Tax: The second amendment has a loophole so big you could drive a national debt through it! By taxing guns and bullets we could suck dry the coffers of the NRA and gun owners. The beauty of this is that when the economic crisis is over the gun nuts and the NRA will be as broke as GM!

 The Flush Tax: People who eat too much could be spending less money on food and more on the government. This proposal would have the government put flush meters on all toilets and charge surtax per flush. This would have the added benefit of decreasing carbon emissions.

The Talk Radio Tax: Since liberal talk radio is an oxymoron and limited to the publicly funded NPR we can eliminate the competition and raise a ton of cash by taxing ads places on talk radio shows.


The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: California or Bust!

February 19, 2009

With apologies to John Lennon, everybody in California sing along,

Imagine there is no Government,

It’s easy if you try, Just essential services

No bureaucratic lies

Imagine all the people keeping more of their dough,

You may say I’m a dreamer…

Unfortunately for the people of the former Golden State the budget just passed. I love how absolutely apoplectic lawmakers get when they run out of money. I think their primal fear is that if the government does shut down that people will realize how easily the vast majority of citizens can function without big brother. The really crazy thing is that when the government shuts down the payroll doesn’t. The State of California passed a budget and state worker avoided being “laid off”. Being laid off for a government employee isn’t the same as when you get laid off in the real world. When governments send people home because they are broke, when the workers return they get back pay. If I were a state employee in California I would have been praying for an impasse. In the real world we call that a paid vacation.

California RHINO Governor Schwarzenegger has been like a Star Wars junkie camping out to be first in line for a handout from the feds. I feel that if GM and Chrysler have to submit a plan in order to get my money then states that take federal bailouts should do the same. The problem with the California deficit is that there is no plan other than to raise taxes in a state that has some of the highest taxes in the country. If you make over $44,815 your state income tax rate is 9.3 percent, add into that state and local sales taxes that equals almost 10 percent, 63 cents a gallon gas tax, a federal tax rate of 25%, about 9% for social security and Medicare (sixteen percent if you are self employed) and you aren’t even the majority partner in your income anymore. That’s before we even think about property taxes, local income taxes, water district “fees”, sanitation “fees”, license and registration “fees”, tolls and god knows what other hidden taxes and fees you pay.    

Illegal aliens eat up about 10 billion a year of the California budget and while that isn’t the whole problem it would be a start. The California government has been trending towards socialism for twenty years now so in a way what is happening there is a preview of our national problem. So here is my suggestion, since we don’t seem to have the political will to make government smaller let’s make it shorter! All government employees in California now get Fridays off! Close down the state government one day a week and adjust the payroll. If the workers don’t like it they can always go into the private sector and get a real job.  


The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: Final Poll to Be Taken Tuesday, Outcome May Be Available By 2012

November 3, 2008

There has been a lot of talk about polls lately. I either heard or read that there have been somewhere in the neighborhood twenty thousand polls conducted since the campaigns started which means that if each poll has sampled  just one thousand voters that one in every seven  voters have been polled at some point.  I live in what is a very traditionally “red” area and I have a very extensive e mail data base. I sent out a note to seven thousand of my closest friends who live around me and asked them to drop me a note if they had been polled, number of affirmative responses: zero!

I also asked if they were still undecided to let me know, number of affirmative responses: zero.

So even though the Obamedia has reported heavy early voting in which all votes went to His Highness Barack and notwithstanding that the crown and scepter have been ordered I will still hop in the truck on Tuesday morning and head over to the Baptist Church and put my two cents worth in for the only poll that really counts. I still think that McCain, despite a mismanaged campaign, being outspent four to one, and spotting Obama a twelve percent lead, can pull it out.  There are a lot of local issues that matter. I am voting against casino gambling and loan sharking, I sorry I meant to say “payday lending”.

I almost feel sorry for the Obamanistas if they win. I am voting for one of two guys who I think can lead the country best. I don’t like most of the things McCain stands for but I like Obama and his thinly veiled Marxism a lot less. Either way, as a conservative, I don’t get a lot to like. No matter who gets free rent for the next four years I get a man who is going to give me some version of socialized medicine, amnesty for illegal aliens and will raise the cost of living by untold billions with some sort of cap and trade carbon credit hocus pocus, which is, of course, just another way to raise our taxes. I know I’m not going to like a lot of stuff that happens going in. I realize that no matter who wins I have to be on my toes for the next four years.

The followers of the Messiah are in for a rougher ride because they have some pretty high expectations. From day one they are going to be waiting for their change. Best of luck on that. Here are the facts on change; no matter who wins Tuesday on January 20th, 2010 (one year after the new guy is sworn in) count on the following to be true. We will still have scads of troops in Iraq and in Afghanistan. Neither Obama nor McCain will end the war quickly.

We will all be paying higher taxes. Both of these men voted for the biggest one day increase in the national debt and we have to pay the tab.

We will still be dependent on Arabs and other dictators for oil. The technology for wind and solar and all kinds of other panaceas are still not where they need to be to make these viable. If they were some rich Republican would already be making billions off them.  

There will be no new off shore drilling. I know to some of you like this but I use this as an example of some smoke and mirrors that Congress has been using to make us think we are moving towards energy independence

There will be still be millions of illegal immigrants taking jobs Americas do want and draining billions from our schools and social service networks.

There will be no new permits issued for nuclear energy plants.

We will not have a national health care plan anywhere near what your local congressman gets.

Islamic fundamentalist will still hate us and Israel no matter how much we talk to them, conditions or no conditions.