The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: The Curious Case of David Espo, Alleged Journalist

March 26, 2010


I saw an article in my local paper today under the byline of one David Espo of the Associated Press. At the time I knew nothing of Mr. Espo. After reading the first sentence in his article it was obvious that he had neither taken a basis civics course in high school or college nor did he have a functional knowledge of law, rights, the Declaration of Independence or the Constitution.

Here is part of the sentence that made me want to learn more about Mr. Espo,

“…congressional Democrats put the final touches Thursday March 25, to historic legislation enshrining health care as the right of every citizen.”

Wow! I would advise Mr. Espo not to go on the “Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader” television quiz show. Even my fifth grade son knows that our rights as American citizens do not come from Congress, Democrats or laws. Our rights, if you would like to look at Declaration of Independence, come to us from our Creator. A few of them are listed there. Here is why we believe our rights come from the Creator, Mr. Espo: because then only he can take them away!

Furthermore, Mr. Espo seems to think that because Congress passes a law that is “enshrined.” I am not sure if he knows what that word means or perhaps this unbiased “journalist” was speaking metaphorically. In a democratic republic like ours laws are open to challenge. As a final note on this one sentence Mr. Espo seems to think it covers “every citizen.” Even those how foisted this unwanted scam on the American public admit it still leaves millions uninsured.

I thought I would do a little research on the undereducated Mr. Espo. I wanted to find out how someone who demonstrated such enormous incompetence in so few words could hold a job. Perhaps he had just had a bad day at the word factory. Imagine my surprise when I found a number of internet references to what I will politely term “misstatements” in Mr. Espo’s work.

His reporting on redistricting in Texas, (,-or-Propagandist.html  ), on voting for judicial nominees, ( and a number of other topics as reported on the News Busters ( ) show him to be nothing more than a left wing propagandist. This is to be expected since he works at the Associated Press the media arm of socialist causes everywhere!


The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: The Price of Anything

February 17, 2010

I was looking for a little gift for my wife for Valentine’s Day last week. Valentine’s Day is one of those holidays that is exclusive for women. Let me let you ladies in on a little secret that your man won’t tell you; for men Valentine’s Day is exactly the same holiday as Halloween. It’s a day where you have to dress up and pretend you’re someone you’re not and then you give away candy.

Anyway I was away working so I went to and ordered the $19.99 special for a dozen roses. I had called a local florist back home and was quoted a price of $40. I figured I would save the $20 and go with the online option. Let me jump ahead a click or two, when I get to the end of the buying my total after delivery, tax and several other “fees’ is more than the 40 bucks I could have gotten from my hometown guy.

There are a lot of things like that these days. Ever rent a car? You get a price of $19 a day then add in all the fees and local taxes to pay for the pro football stadium and your rate has doubled. God forbid you opt for the insurance or GPS, then your three day rental begins to resemble a monthly payment for on a Lexis. If you get sucked into buying the gas in advance you also get the privilege of buying several gallons of gas for the rental company.

Why are most airlines still charging me for bags? Wasn’t that a fuel surcharge added when oil was $150 a barrel? Now that oil is hovering around a little less than half of that shouldn’t the “fuel/bag” charge go away or at least be lowered? Here is the kicker, if you carry the same bag onto the plane there is no charge. How does that save fuel? Can’t the airline just roll the bag charge into the ticket price? What are you supposed to do, go on vacation without a bag? What if you go to Vegas and lose all you money. Are you supposed to leave your luggage behind?

There aren’t many good things about Europe but at least when you go into a store and the price tag says 3 Euros, its 3 Euros. The taxes and other fees are rolled into the price. Maybe instead of bringing Euro-socialism to us Mr. Obama could give us some Euro-pricing first.

The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: Cindy Sheehan, Against War? Not So Much Anymore

November 30, 2009

The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: Cindy Sheehan, Against War? Not So Much Anymore

I like finding examples of left wing media bias as much as the next guy but I suppose that guy would have to be another right wing nut job like me in order to enjoy it as much as I do. Anyway, over the weekend I was watching all the hype for the big Obama Afghanistan announcement on Tuesday when I saw a little gem of a news story on Headline News. There she was, the former darling of the left wing press, Ms. anti-war Cindy Sheehan herself, leading a huge war protest in front of Travis Air Force Base outside of Sacramento, CA.

Except Ms. Sheehan’s protest really wasn’t all that huge. It looked like Cindy and about seven or eight of her aging hipster friends had gotten some gas money together, made a few signs and a rented U Haul truck for a trip from the Bay Area up to Sacto. To be honest I felt a little sad for Cindy, I think I could get more people over to my house for an Amway meeting. I didn’t see how less than a dozen people doing anything would rate national news time. However, Ms. Cindy was getting more air than on HLN that the entire 9/12 demonstration did and though we may disagree about how many folks were there, I think we can all agree it was a little more than twelve.

Maybe she was getting face time because there was a counter protest? One old veteran put on his uniform and came out to confront Ms. Sheehan. This guy of about 80 was giving the protesters a severe tongue lashing. To try to silence his dissidence Ms. Peace and Love put her bullhorn about an inch from his face and kept talking. The old guy batted it away was and was instantly demonized for “slapping” Ms. Sheehan. She was demanding to anyone who would listen that he be arrested for assault.

Then something odd struck me, she and her Code Pink friends weren’t really protesting the war. They were protesting the use of drones to kill enemy scumbags. To Ms. Sheehan’s credit until then she has never quit protesting the war.  What happened was that she quit getting coverage. When she would show up in Crawford with her ragtag band of merry pranksters they would be outnumbered by adoring media types ten-to-one. She got her sour puss on all the CNN and MSNBC chat fests. Then Obama, the anti- war President happened and all of the media went away. Her campout at Martha’s Vineyard this past summer during Mr. Obama’s vacation brought hardly a mention and that was on the evil Fox News.

Now her protest isn’t against the President’s lack of action on his promises to the hard left, oh no! Nor is it against the war itself. Her protest is now Obama friendly! In order to get back in the limelight she isn’t protesting the war she is protesting “drones.” I think she actually said something to the effect that the use of unmanned drones weren’t fair. I guess Ms. Sheehan think if we need to clean out some rat hole of terrorist we should do it in a more sporting manner.

Now that she isn’t protesting “the war” which on Tuesday became President Obama’s war, she is back on the good list with the liberal media. I expect to see Cindy and company all around the liberal media protesting that mean old Air Force and their use of unfair drones. I wouldn’t hold my breath for any anti-Obama rhetoric!

The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: Snake on the Plane!

August 5, 2009

I don’t want to seem too preoccupied with the past.  I don’t want to dwell on old wrongs. I know we have all moved into the age of Obama where we will all cooperate, have bipartisan government and hold hands with Islamic terrorists, (I’m sorry, I meant to say with Islamic manufacturers of man-made disasters), and the past is forgiven. Unless your name is Bush or Chaney in which case you need to be made to pay for screwing up the reputation for weakness and capitulation Bill Clinton took eight long years to build.

Come on in girls, get comfortable while I slip into something comfortable

Come on in girls, grab a seat while I slip into something comfortable

Which brings me to my subject; did anyone besides me see the irony in sending Bill Clinton, perhaps the most famous serial philanderer of the past two centuries, to pick up two hot Asian girls in North Korea? It was the ultimate in Asian carry out!

How did that go down? Was Bill sitting in his Laze-E-Boy while Hillary was talking on the phone to the North Koreans? She hangs up and says, “I got the release all worked out now if I could just find someone who wouldn’t mind sitting on a private jet for twelve hours with two hot Asian women.” Before you can say Paula Flowers, Bill is on his way to the airport with a blue suit and a bottle of Viagra.

Did the women know the ride home was going to be with the biggest snake of them all on the plane? I wonder how the North Koreans broke the news.  “Listen ladies, you can go home with Bill Clinton or stay here for ten years of hard labor.” They look at each other and say, “How many years was that?”

Don’t get me wrong, I am very happy for Ms. Laura Ling and Ms. Euna Lee. There are some questions that need to be answered. Why were two employees of Al Gore hanging on the China/North Korea border? Why didn’t Big Al hop on one of his carbon neutral personal jets and go pick up these two women? What were they doing there to begin with? Did the Chinese government know they were there?  What did we give the North Koreans for the release of these two women? Call me cynical but I don’t think a few pictures with Bill Clinton and some carbon credits from Al Gore would do the trick. Once again the Obama Administration has shown that it is business as usual in Washington where the same old people get all the good gigs.

The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: The Beauty of Modern Airline Travel

May 17, 2009

I am a stand- up comic and I love what I do for a living but I hate traveling to get there. I do between 125 and 150 road dates a year. Fortunately for me I can drive to a lot of my gigs and I would rather be at the mercy of the potholed, drunk driver infested, revenue enhancing state police filled interstate highway system than under the thumb of our crack security force the TSA.

Isn’t it nice that after 9/11 the government, under a supposed small government conservative president, decided to take over a large portion of the airlines business and provide security at all airports? I don’t know why they stopped there. Aren’t Major League Baseball games potential terrorist? Why doesn’t the TSA provide security for MLB and its patrons? In Israel terrorist often target restaurants and shopping centers so why isn’t Homeland Security saving the businesses at the mall a few bucks and having the TSA chase the skateboarders out of the food court.

I have never like the term “Homeland Security Agency” it has a strange ring that falls somewhere between “brown shirts” and “big brother” for me. The TSA was founded under the premise that the security of the nation was too important to trust to minimum wage, undereducated folks in bad blue blazers. It was time to have our security in the hands of unionized, $14 an hour professionals. Alright, it’s the same people but now they have nice uniforms and now we are paying their heath care and retirement. I don’t know about you but I feel much more secure.

If you are of a certain age you can remember when flying was a little nicer than it is today. There was a time, my children, when people didn’t front up to the airport in an Under Armour t-shirt and matching boxer shorts and nothing else. There was also a time when the airline companies had, and I hate to use this word, standards! Before every third person in America was a tort attorney companies had policies which they enforced. That meant your “companion cat” went into baggage and if you didn’t like it they would call Greyhound for you. Now, Miss “My cat is more than a pet and it has rights” will sue the pants off of anyone who wants to try to stop her from taking her cat everywhere she goes. Maybe that’s what happened to Mr. Under Armour?

There was a time when if you were taking a forty minute flight from St. Louis to Chicago you could get to the airport thirty minutes early and be in the Windy City two hours after you left your home. Now you have to be at the airport two hours before the flight and if you are not on the plane 15 minutes before scheduled departure time you can be denied boarding. Your 11:00 A.M. flight is really a 10:45 flight so make yourself comfortable next to Mr. “I was partying pretty heavy last night and didn’t shower or brush my teeth this morning,” for an extra quarter of an hour.

Right now Janet Napolitano or one of her toadies is probably adding my name to the “do not fly list” for doubting the need for the agency she heads up and talking trash about the TSA. I may be driving a lot more next month.

The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: Hate Mail

April 27, 2009

I am collection material for a book called, “Hate Mail from Liberals.” I always enjoy a great obscenity filled tirade devoid of any facts from a supporter of the guy who was going to change all that. Some personal threats against me and my family always lets me know I am saying the right things. The things Janet Napolitano and her backers want to silence. Those lovely folks on the left who wanted us to join in the love fest of coming together and respect for different views. Those masters of tolerance.

If you get some hate mail and you want me to include it I would love to have your submissions. I got two great ones this week. The first was written to me by a guy off his work computer. I happened to be a stockholder in that company. I wrote a response to him and pointed out that he may want to be a little cleverer about the place from where he writes and sends his hate mail. He wrote back and apologized and asked me to protect is name and place of employment. I told him I would since my intent was not to cost a guy his job but to school him on the ways of the internet. I also wanted him to know I could take a punch and still be a gentleman. 

 Today I got a letter from “Rex.” He was upset about my stance on torture. He calls himself “rex reason,” the king of reason! Imagine that! Instead of a reasoned and logical counter to my article I received the following which I publish here without correction or editing.


Are comedians supposed to be funny? Was the piece you wrote about torture supposed to be funny? Or was it a rare detour on your part to comment on a serious topic in a serious tone? Or was it supposed to be funny? Cuz it wasn’t funny, nor was it even reasonably accurate, so what exactly were you trying here? Not funny, not accurate…were you trying to be lame? Because it really is a lame piece, Jeff.

Have you ever read the U.S. Constitution? Check it out sometime, it might be illuminating to a caveman like you. You’ll find the original hanging in Dick Cheney’s bathroom, next to the toilet, on that paper roll holder hanging on the wall.

BTW, I already know your wife’s bedroom safeword. She told me that whenever you do something she doesn’t like, she calls you “faggot” and you back off.

With me, she lets me do whatever I want. No safeword. Notice any strange bruises there, bub?

Anyway, Jeff baby, work on the funny part and I might have a gig for you. My kid is turning 7 next month and we need a clown for his party. Are you available?


Here is my response to Rex:


Thanks for your contribution to my book called “Hate Mail from Liberals”. I hope you don’t mind if I include your e mail address.

I thought the word “faggot” was on the liberal banned list? Careful there Rex, Perez Hilton may show up at your house.

 Your response is typical for a leftie. No thought, just invective and ad hominem name calling. I take it from your screen name you consider yourself to be a reasonable man. You are wrong. You are an immature child. You are also a coward. A real man signs his name.

I feel nothing but sorrow for any child that has to grow up such a pitiful example of a male role model.

BTW I am forwarding you hate mail to a friend at the FBI. I consider the “bruises” comment to be a rape threat against my wife. The FBI takes anonymous cyber threats very seriously. Enjoy!

Jeffrey Jena

 I am not surprised that a liberal would not respond with intelligence and civility. What does amaze me is that they don’t see the hypocrisy of what they write.

The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: They’re Back! Meet the New Boss, Same as the Old Boss

November 24, 2008


Now that the Barack Obama has asked America to open wide to swallow Hillary as Secratary of State it is interesting to note an odd phenomenon. Let’s call it qualification reversal. Just a few months ago in the primaries, you remember the primaries that short period of time when Mrs. Clinton and Mr. Obama were speaking the truth about each other. Hillary was saying Obama was naïve and not ready to lead. In return the Obamatons were pooh-poohing Hillary’s claim that her time as first lady was foreign policy experience.

Just a few months later and abracadabra presto, Mrs. Clinton is praising Mr. Obama’s strong leadership qualities and He Who Is has picked her who wasn’t as the best person in the country to be the front for our new foreign policy. Yet there are still some of you who don’t believe in miracles! Maybe this is the change you can believe in but I believe that something more sinister is afoot.

Over the last few weeks I have been waggishly saying that this new administration was going actually going to be a continuation of the failed economic and foreign policy of Jimmy Carter but now I must admit I was wrong. In the most Machiavellian turn of events since the DeMedicis took over the Vatican this is shaping up to be the return of Bill Clinton. Although the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy has never been a big fan of Billy Boy we do admire him in the same way that Patton admired Rommel. This guy has now installed a puppet government with many of his former lackeys in place. All we need is for Janet Reno and the ghost of Vince Foster to get appointments and the old gang will all be here. When he saw his wife’s campaign unraveling he quickly took action. He dispatched Bill Richardson to the Obama side with orders to start sucking up. Other former Clintonistas David Axelrod, Jamie Gorelick and Greg Craig were already deep inside the Obama camp and ready to strike.

So now Bill has out Putined Putin. His shadow administration is in place and ready to take orders from their master. These former Clinton employees are already set for key positions. Gregory Craig, the Clinton impeachment defender is now White house Counsel. Eric Holder, the liberator of Marc Rich is now appointed to be the new Attorney General. Larry Summers, Peter Orszaig and Tim Geithner, Clinton loyalists all, are the Obama economic team. Mrs. Clinton will be at the foreign policy helm for her husband by running the State Department. There are others but perhaps the key man in the Clinton Coup is John Podesta.  The former White House advisor is running the transition team, how perfect for getting hundreds of sleeper Clintonisas into not only front line but second and third tier jobs.

You cannot fundamentally change the culture of Washington and the way business is done if you simply promote the old middle management to the front office. Bill Clinton, once called the first Black President, is now poised to run the second Black President’s White House by proxy.