The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: They’re Back! Meet the New Boss, Same as the Old Boss

November 24, 2008


Now that the Barack Obama has asked America to open wide to swallow Hillary as Secratary of State it is interesting to note an odd phenomenon. Let’s call it qualification reversal. Just a few months ago in the primaries, you remember the primaries that short period of time when Mrs. Clinton and Mr. Obama were speaking the truth about each other. Hillary was saying Obama was naïve and not ready to lead. In return the Obamatons were pooh-poohing Hillary’s claim that her time as first lady was foreign policy experience.

Just a few months later and abracadabra presto, Mrs. Clinton is praising Mr. Obama’s strong leadership qualities and He Who Is has picked her who wasn’t as the best person in the country to be the front for our new foreign policy. Yet there are still some of you who don’t believe in miracles! Maybe this is the change you can believe in but I believe that something more sinister is afoot.

Over the last few weeks I have been waggishly saying that this new administration was going actually going to be a continuation of the failed economic and foreign policy of Jimmy Carter but now I must admit I was wrong. In the most Machiavellian turn of events since the DeMedicis took over the Vatican this is shaping up to be the return of Bill Clinton. Although the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy has never been a big fan of Billy Boy we do admire him in the same way that Patton admired Rommel. This guy has now installed a puppet government with many of his former lackeys in place. All we need is for Janet Reno and the ghost of Vince Foster to get appointments and the old gang will all be here. When he saw his wife’s campaign unraveling he quickly took action. He dispatched Bill Richardson to the Obama side with orders to start sucking up. Other former Clintonistas David Axelrod, Jamie Gorelick and Greg Craig were already deep inside the Obama camp and ready to strike.

So now Bill has out Putined Putin. His shadow administration is in place and ready to take orders from their master. These former Clinton employees are already set for key positions. Gregory Craig, the Clinton impeachment defender is now White house Counsel. Eric Holder, the liberator of Marc Rich is now appointed to be the new Attorney General. Larry Summers, Peter Orszaig and Tim Geithner, Clinton loyalists all, are the Obama economic team. Mrs. Clinton will be at the foreign policy helm for her husband by running the State Department. There are others but perhaps the key man in the Clinton Coup is John Podesta.  The former White House advisor is running the transition team, how perfect for getting hundreds of sleeper Clintonisas into not only front line but second and third tier jobs.

You cannot fundamentally change the culture of Washington and the way business is done if you simply promote the old middle management to the front office. Bill Clinton, once called the first Black President, is now poised to run the second Black President’s White House by proxy.  


The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: The Clinton’s are Lurking

October 9, 2008

I had to miss the big non-debate the other night because my son broke his arm at football practice. Some kids will do anything for their parents! I think there are many things that we Right Wing Conspirators and you Enlightened Progressives disagree on but can we get some bipartisan support for saying that this alleged debate was the most boring ninety minutes of television since TBS ran a “She’s The Sherriff” marathon. I said in my previous blog that McCain needed to give Obama a verbal “beat down” which his campaign may have taken for “bed down”. Maybe their strategy is to put the left to sleep for the next four weeks and when they wake up McCain will be President.

I said that McCain had to step up in the economic crisis. What he stepped up with was more socialism. Right now I don’t think he could win his Senate seat if it was up for grabs. Where is Duncan Hunter now that we need him?

Since the Republican Party seems to have no interest in winning the White House the last hope for conservatives may be the Clintons. I don’t think that Hillary has gone back to New York and told herself that being a U.S. Senator is pretty good and she can do a lot of good work in the Senate. I think that this is a woman who feels like she was owed the nomination and that Obama and Move On have done her wrong. She wants to be President and if Obama wins she is McCain’s age before she gets another chance. I don’t think Bill Clinton is too happy going from “first black president” to racist good old boy. Even if it’s not true (let’s not forget one of Bill’s early mentors was segregationist and anti-Semite, J. William Fulbright) it makes him look bad and there is nothing an ego the size of Vermont hates more than looking bad. The Clinton’s are seething in their separate bedrooms and know how to get even. They are like Michael Corleone, quietly going about their business while their minions have been sent out and all scores will be settled before Election Day.   

I had to run this idea by someone to make sure I was on the right track so I called my ultra liberal older brother. He’s the kind of guy that is the heart and soul of the Obama Nation. Upper middle class white guy who for some reason feels like he is part of the oppressed masses. I called and ran my idea by him and he started into a laundry list of reason why it wouldn’t happen. I knew I was on to something. He then reminded me that several weeks ago I had written that the “lipstick” comment would be the seminal moment of the campaign and it was all but forgotten. I hate when that happens.

The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: A Little Irony in My Diet

August 28, 2008


I’ve been watching a bit of the Obamathon from Denver over the last few days. The usual stuff has been going on; hack speeches, call and answer audience participation, a boo and hissy fit every time the name Bush, Chaney or Halliburton is mentioned and blaming the right for everything from global warming to the common cold.  I expect the same next week when the Republicans get together so I don’t want anyone getting their shorts up their crack telling me that I’m not fair. Here’s a shocker for you, I’m not trying to be fair. If you want fair try  baggage claim, it’s the only thing I have ever found in life that is fair. Baggage claim treats all people with equal distain without regard to race, gender, sexual preference, age, national origin, or handicap. I’m sorry, should I have said “otherabled”?

So here are a few of my favorite moments from Denver. The first is actually from the day before the convention officially kicked off. The Democrats need the votes of centrist Christians and since they are politicians they are not above pandering. In 2004 when Bush had a headlock on that voting block the Democrats held one luncheon for people of faith, this year a whole day before the convention and four meetings during.

The “Faith in Action Interfaith Gathering” was headlined by Sister Helen Prejean. It’s difficult for me to “dis” a nun. There’s all that residual Catholic guilt and a fear of being cracked across the knuckles with a yardstick. Not the wimpy paint store kind but an industrial one with a strip of brass inset in the edge favored by sadist and Franciscans everywhere.

Sister Prejean is big on stopping the death penalty. I could get into a long and very boring rebuttal of her statistics and logic but I find it ironic that a Christian is against the death penalty because without the death penalty Christianity doesn’t exist. I also find it odd that a Catholic nun would rail against the deaths of 1120 criminals and never mention the deaths of millions children to the party which advocates the abortions laws which are responsible for ending those lives.

The next night the real show got underway and they started trotting out the dinosaurs of liberalism. After awhile the floor of the Pepsi Center began to look like the Jurassic Park of socialism. Look, there’s a Cartersaurus Rex, king of the anti-Semite appeasers, known for his inaction in the face of Islamic extremism. There goes a Kerryatops, a lumbering beast whose head is so large its vision is distorted so that it sees only its own self-interest. Under that Illinois sign over there is the Jacksonsaur, rumored to soon be extinct or even worse irrelevant. There is the rarest dinosaur of them all, seen only once every four years, known for its huge overbite, little teeth, bushy brow and delusional behavior, the Dukakisoraptor. Generally, the ignoramus Dukakisoraptor is seen running around screaming about how he got screwed and how much better things would be if he had been elected.  The only dinosaur missing thus far is the Goreodactyl but he is expected to be seen as soon as he sells himself some carbon offsets so he can fly out on his private jet.


Finally, nothing warms the heart of a member of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy more than seeing a Clinton take it on the chin. I really wanted Hillary to win the nomination for a lot of reasons not the least of which was seeing a 527 group to trot out all of the dalliances the former President has had since leaving office. I was hoping against hope that they had some underhanded machinations to throw the convention into turmoil but alas the only thing the Clintons like more than power is money and with a 24 million dollar bribe on the table they played ball…sort of. Hillary could be sentenced to thirty days in county for non-support after the tepid speech she made on Tuesday, followed by more of the same on Wednesday by Billy Boy. The Clintons are great at a lot of things but grace in defeat isn’t among them. Bill Clinton has such great ability to fake sincerity that he could have been one of the greatest agents in the history of Hollywood.