The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: Israel Does The Worm

September 27, 2010

I was beginning to wonder when Israel was going to take action against Iran.

The Iranian Fearless Leader hit the UN this week and rubbed a large handful of do-do under Obama’s nose and again made him the laughing stock of the world. In New York this week Mr. Ahmadinejad joined former Obama favorite Van Jones in saying that 9/11 was an inside job, threatened Israel and took some softball questions from the semi-senile Larry King. About the only thing he didn’t do was throw his support behind the Ground Zero Mosque.

Obama again threatened to send Ahmadinejad another strongly worded letter and put a mark on his permenent record if he didn’t put his nuclear toys away! Wow! That is the kind of leadership that makes tyrants tremble!

The Israelies, however, were busy. They unleased a brilliant new cyber “worm” at the Iranian nuclear program. Brilliant! That my friends is change I can believe in!


The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy:Lady Gaga goes say, “Go Meat!”

September 17, 2010


Is there no end to the many facets of the talents of Lady Gaga already recognized as the greatest Madonna impersonator of this century? Of course we all know her as a singer, musician, fashionista and female impersonator but recently she has revealed herself as maven in two new areas: military expert and political advisor!

It started at the MTV Video Music Awards. That is ironic in itself since I think that MTV stopped being a music channel sometime in the 1990’s. Ms.Gaga, (I don’t know if “Lady” is a title or simply the first part of her pseudonym) appeared in a costume made of meat. When asked the meaning of her get up by Ellen DeGeneres she explained it wasn’t a slam on vegans.  

 “As you know, I am the most judgment-free human being on the earth,” Gaga replied.  Wow! Did the irony of that statement knock anyone else down into their La-Z-Boy? That might be the truest thing she has ever said. It wasn’t too long ago that having some judgment skills was considered a plus.

Be that as it may, the whole idea was to call attention to the plight of gay folks in the military. If you don’t see the linkage between “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell,” narcissistic self- indulgence and wearing a Porterhouse, come on over and sit on the terminally unhip bench with me while I try to figure it out.

Ms. Gaga went on to explain that her being accompanied by some disgruntled former employees of the military was a political protest. “For me this evening, if we don’t stand up for what we believe in and if we don’t fight for our rights pretty soon, we’re going to have as much rights as the meat on own bones. And, I am not a piece of meat.” I am not really sure what that means either. I am a fairly hefty guy and I have a lot of meat on my bones. So are my rights safe? Perhaps Ms. Gaga is trying to tell us that DADT is somehow linked to anorexia in the fashion industry. Ahhh now it’s all starting to come together.

She went on to say, “It is a devastation to me that I know my fans who are gay . . . feel like they have government oppression on them.” Not that there is government oppression but that they “feel” there is oppression.

Later she “tweeted” to Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and the Senator was smitten with Lady Gaga. They tweeted back and forth for days! That is, if you think they do their own “tweeting.” I believe that both have people who do this job for them and the job title is “Twit.”  There is probably a Head Twit and several assistant twits. I imagine Lady Gaga and Harry Reid are surrounded by Twits! Perhaps he is just looking for his next gig when he finds himself unemployed in November.

If Conservative Media Reported Events Like The New York Times Does: The Recent Obama Oval Office Address.

September 2, 2010

Note: Before we get started today I just wanted to thanks President Obama, who in a recent interview with Brian Williams said those broad dark forces of The Vast Right Wig Conspiracy are still at work…D%*m right, Mr. President!

Now todays Article….

Ten of thousands of people tuned in to hear a broadcast organized by the handlers of President Obama, a liberal politician and former community organizer. The self aggrandizing speech took place from a site where Abraham Lincoln once worked some 150 years ago.

The address, which was stiffly read from a teleprompter, was advertised as an announcement of the end of combat operations in Iraq but actually a sales pitch for Mr. Obama’s failing economic and legislative agenda.

The broadcast, which was listened to by a mostly white middle class audience, failed to mention several facts, among them that Mr. Obama, former cocaine user, had not supported the so called “surge” in Iraq which military experts regard as the key to our success in that country. This is understandable since Mr. Obama, who once bowed to the King of Saudi Arabia, has little experience in military matters. It is also well know that Mr. Obama, who still smokes, and many in his government had not supported the surge and predicted its failure. Mr. Obama, who has yet to produce a birth certificate, also failed to mention that this troop drawdown and the surge were instituted by his predecessor, George Bush.

Mr. Obama, who once attended an Islamic school, had promised in his presidential campaign to have all troops home within a year of his taking office, left behind 50,000 American “support” soldiers. Among them are a reported 2400 special forces who are allegedly tasked to kill random Iraqis who are suspected of being terrorists.

Sources inside the White House report that after the address sycophants gathered around the President and congratulated him on a job well done.