The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: Newt, Please Find a Rock to Crawl Under.

October 29, 2009

I am going to do something that isn’t often done in Conservative circles, break the 11th commandment of Ronald Reagan and criticize another Conservative.

I was watching Fox News last night and subjected to yet another salvo from washed up, old school, morally loose, quasi-conservative, “thinking man” Newt Gingrich. If this dinosaur is the future of the GOP let me sign up for a third party – yesterday! I trust him as far as I can throw an anvil. If Civil War expert Gingrich told me that Lee surrendered to Grant at Appomattox I would look it up just to be sure.

I won’t get into specifics but this guy is carrying more baggage than a packed jumbo jet. I put Newt and Bill Clinton in the same political category. Everyone around them says how smart they are  yet their behavior and political accomplishments tell me that isn’t so. It is obvious that Newt is lining up to run for The Big Chair in 2012.  That is the best news the folks in the Obama camp can hear. Seriously, is there any conservative out there who thinks that if he were our guy in 2008 instead of the RINO we ran that Obama would be trying to introduce anti-war resolutions from the Senate floor today? Axelrod would love if all he had to do in 2012 is run over another Dino-RINO.

 Gingrich recently reaffirmed that he is out of touch with the conservative base when he threw his support behind non-conservative Republican candidate Dede Scozzafava in the New York 23rd congressional district.

Why did Newt give his seal of approval to the pro-choice, pro-gay marriage Scozzafava? He gave the same tired rhetoric about how if we don’t get behind the approved “R” person then we are giving the seat to the Democrats. If that is Mr. Gingrich’s biggest worry perhaps “for the good of the party” he should encourage his friend Ms. Scozzafava to drop out and make Conservative Party candidate Doug Hoffman a shoe in for the seat.

The election in the New York 23rd is a wake-up call to the GOP. I’m not saying that I will never vote for another Republican but when I have an alternative that better fits my values I will vote for them regardless of party. I live in Republican House leader John Boehner’s district and when I recently both called and e mailed his office to complain about his support for Scozzafava I was given the same treatment I got from left wing radical Ohio Senator Sherrod Brown. I was blown off and the e mail never answered.

 The tea party movement isn’t about party, Mr. Gingrich and Mr. Boehner, it’s about values and principles.  Get with the program or look for a new line of work!

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The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: A Cartoon for Halloween

October 27, 2009

 Just a little cartoon from Cagle to lighten your day. The VRWC returns tomorrow with a new blog!halloween


The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: The Best Halloween Ever!

October 26, 2009

I grew up in a small town in eastern Kentucky. The world was different then, more innocent. It was still three weeks until JFK was shot. We were in Viet Nam but only as advisors. Nobody had ever hijacked an airplane; suicide bombed a pizza parlor, or asked what the meaning of “is” was. Parents weren’t as worried about perverts and molesters stealing or killing their children. Halloween  wasn’t the big deal it is today either. We made up costumes from stuff we had around the house and off we went into the night. We used to go trick-or-treating alone for hours covering many neighborhoods. 

spooky house

There was one house, however, that never got a visit from a ghost or pirate. That was the old white house on the corner of our street. It sat way back off the street in a grove of huge dark pines. The house and the yard were not kept up very well. All of the neighborhood kids told stories about the old guy who lived there. We wondered about the strange laughter and other sounds that came out of the house from time to time. It commonly agreed upon by evert kid under sixteen that he was an ax murderer. We all believed that he had ax murdered his wife and was just waiting for his next victim to come knocking.

On this particular Halloween I was ten years old. Me, my older brother and two of our friends had gone out earlier and had made quite a hull. The four of us were returning to Iroquois Avenue with our pillowcases full of candy. We stopped under the street light out in front of the old white house at the corner to check out our loot. We looked into the bags where a wealth of candy corn, sweet tarts tootsie rolls and candided apples were piled up. Then we all turned and looked at the white house. The pale blue light of a television illuminated one window far off in the trees.Someone wodered aloud what an ax murder would give out or Halloween.

 Suddenly my brother started walking towards the three cement steps which led to the long sidewalk and into the pines. 

“Don’t do it” we cried!  “He’ll chop you up.”

All we could hear was the sound of my brother’s shoes on the sidewalk and then a knock on the door from the darkness. The door creaked open and the old man’s voice floated through the night air.

“ Wha do you wan?” The ax murdererasked.

“Trick or treat!” my brother demended

“Trick’er treat?” the old guy cackled.  “Jes a sec.”

There was silence and then the screen door opened and shut, followed by footsteps from dark which got quicker as they got closer. My brother broke out of the trees and into the protective halo of the street light. He opened his pillowcase and on top of his candy was a five dollar bill!

I couldn’t get to the door fast enough. I ran through the pines and bounded on to the rickety old porch. I pounded the door and the old man answered.

“ Wha do you wan?” he rasped as the then strange smell of alcohol on his breath wafted over me.

“Trick or treat!”

“Trick’er treat?” the old guy cackled.  “Hold the phone.”

He walked away from the door and into a back room. He returned in a few seconds and I opened my bag. He placed something on top of my candy and I ran down the path and into the light. I opened my bag and there on top of my candy was a tomato!

When we got a little older we learned that the old man wasn’t an ax murderer but an alcoholic. His wife had died some years before and he had found what comfort he could in the bottle. The yard, the garden and the house didn’t matter to him any longer.

 I never did figure out what happened that night. Was he just drunk and giving out whatever came to mind at the moment or was it part of his twisted plan. To the first kid brave enough to come to the door, he’d give something great, five dollars! To the next greedy punk he’d give a lesson with an old tomato! Halloween has never been the same for me since.


The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: Random Thoughts on a Rainy Friday

October 23, 2009

A few years back I was in Copenhagen, Denmark doing some shows on a tour of Europe. I was staying at the Sheraton Hotel at the same time David Bowie and his band Tin Machine were in town.  The place was mobbed with fans, Bowie’s not mine, and I made my way through the lobby to the elevators and saw a guy with a t-shirt that started with an obscenity and was followed by, “I’m in Tin Machine!” We chatted and he said his name as Hunt Sales. I made a joke about being related to Soupy and he said, “That’s my dad!”

Last night I heard about Soupy’s passing. He was an icon to comics and kids of the sixties. He was edgy without being obscene and as clever as he was funny. Soupy Sales died in New York at the age of 83, still just a big kid looking for a laugh.

I was driving home and listening to Mark Levin and heard a clip of Nancy with the plastic face that made me laugh so hard I had to pull over. She was being interviewed by CNBC money babe Maria Bartiromo and said this when asked about tax increases due to allowing the Bush tax cuts to expire, “That wasn’t a tax increase. It is– it is– eliminating a tax decrease that was there.”

Folks you can’t write stuff that stupid and expect it won’t be cut from your script. This is the same kind of thinking that politicians use when they tell us that a “fee” is different than a “tax”. 

Why is it every time I read a hit piece on Rush Limbaugh, like the one recently written by Leonard Pitts, one of the first things they bring up is the fact that Rush had a problem with prescription drugs? In Liberal World as long as you are from the right side of the political tracks there is always forgiveness. If you are a Kennedy you can be a drunk all of your life and even kill people and they make you a hero. If you are a conservative it is one strike and you are out.

Why is it that writers, like Pitts, like to take things out of context. Being a comic and comedy writer I know that presentation is everything. How something sounds spoken often gives it a totally different meaning than reading it off of a page. I would think someone as dedicated to fairness as Mr. Pitts claims to be would know that too.  

Lindsey Graham and his RINO ilk will be the death of the GOP and I say, “Good Riddance!” We need a new conservative party in America. It’s beginnings may be happening in New York’s 23th district in the next two weeks.


The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy:Never Bring a Spork to a Knife Fight.

October 21, 2009

I have zero tolerance for zero tolerance policies.

When you try to make a rule that can never be broken you take common sense out of the equation.  There are always exceptions and things can happen that The proof is all around us. A girl gets tossed from school because she has a butter knife in her car. An elementary school girl is seen the same way as a student selling marijuana because she gives a Tylenol to a friend who has a headache. The list goes on.

Most recently a six year old boy, who by all accounts was is a great kid and whose parents were very involved at school was suspended because he brought his boy scout camping tool to school to eat his lunch. Without a campaign launched by his mother to flood the school board with e mails and calls  pointing out their stupidity the boy would have been sent to a school for juvenile offenders.I don’t know what goes on at this school but apparently they need a no tolerance rule for first graders with sporks because there had been a number of sporkings among kids who were hardly out of diapers.

I hate to sound like an aging curmudgeon but when I went to grade school in Kentucky most boys carried pocket knives. We played mumblety peg  at lunch while teachers watched. I don’t ever recall a stabbing although there were several apples cut up at lunch. The only thing we had zero tolerance for was being made to erase the board after class.


The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: NFL Boycott

October 16, 2009

There was a time when the National Football League was filed with hard hitting men. Now it is full of preening prima donnas who would rather play politics than football. The owners are worse that the players. Many of them frustrated athletes or dilatants whose daddies left them a football team in their will that have proved their football and business ineptitude by fielding “professional” teams that go season after season with fewer wins than the fingers on the hand of an inept shop teacher.  

Recently, Conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh was asked to bring his considerable financial help to a group trying to buy the St. Louis Rams in order to keep the team in St. Louis. Rush is a Missouri native and a huge fan of the game so it seemed like a natural. Rush was to be a minority partner in the group.

The mention of Rush’s name is like nails on a chalkboard to some liberal elements in America. No opportunity to try to reduce his stature or influence on the political discussion is ignored. Any chance to stop anything Rush does is seen as a political statement. There is a far left wing in the Democrat party that hates him and what he stands for so deeply that I think if Rush really wanted to stop the Government takeover of healthcare all he would have to do is say that he supports it and those folks would assume it to be evil and walk away from their plans.  

So when Rush was mentioned as a part of the group bidding to take over the Rams the Claxton call was sounded on the far left.  The usual suspects hurried to get in front of the cameras and denounce Mr. Limbaugh with lies and misquotes. Under political pressure the NFL owners folded like the Lions’ defense and chose anti-Semites and race pimps for their new minority partners rather than a man who worked for his money.

Don’t misunderstand, I believe it is the NFL owners’ proverbial ball and they are free to do as they wish. They want to pick appeasing the left over allowing Rush a few shares of a team that’s their business. I won’t even get into the people that already own teams or parts of teams and what their backgrounds may be. However the next time they come to me and ask for my support to buy a ticket, watch a game or vote for a bond issue for a stadium they can ask someone else. As of today, for me, the NFL no longer exists. I am thinking that there are a lot of folks who feel the same way. This Sunday I will be doing something besides watching the NFL. Join me if you wish


The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: What’s The Hold Up? Who is the Decider Now?

October 14, 2009

 Remember when George Bush told the press “I am the decider!” and he was derided by the main stream media mob. As much as you may hate the things Bush did, he did things. He made decisions.

Over the weekend President Obama promised a gathering of gay rights activists that he would end the Clinton policy of “Don’t ask, don’t tell” concerning homosexuals in the American military. The problem is this: don’t ask him when this will happen because he can’t tell you. I don’t want to get into a discussion about if this is good policy or not. I am simply not knowledgeable enough on military matters to make that call. My question is this; if the President thinks it is good policy and the right thing to do why doesn’t he, in the words of the Nike Company, just do it?

President Obama could issue an executive order to the military that from this moment forward no one is to be dismissed from the armed services for being gay. Done deal! Yet he has not done so. If I were gay this would concern me. Yet at the dinner those in attendance cheered wildly. One might wonder why. So far in his presidency Mr. Obama has promised to close the Guantanamo detention camp. He hasn’t. During the campaign he derided Senator McCain for proposing a tax on health benefits and yet now proposes to do the same thing to pay for his healthcare proposal. He’s fudged on his promises to the far left concerning the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and still the true believers march on for him. There are other lies which Obama has told us but the point isn’t that this alleged “transformative figure” is just another two faced politician.

My question is why does it take him so long do things which could be done instantly? Look at the question of sending more troops to Afghanistan. You get everyone in a room, lay out the facts and make a call. Sure, there are details you might need to iron out like how many troops and where exactly do they go but the big decision should be made.