The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: Obama Announces Apology Tour to Continue

 President Obama has made the rehabilitation of the reputation of our country one of his top priorities. He wants to be the Sally Field of the international politics and know that other nations like us! They really, really like us. To achieve that end he has apologized for just about every action of the Bush Administration and yet at the UN this past week several of the people the President has been trying to win over still seemed a bit distant.

His new BFF Hugo Chavez did give him a nice “smells like hope” compliment but several other still haven’t gotten the message. President of all Iranians, both living and dead in the streets, Ahmadinejad still wants to build a few nukes even though Mr. Obama has told him not to. Colonel Qaddhafi, or Gaddahfi or Khaddafi, or Kaddafy or however you spell it, isn’t onboard the love train either.

This has not deterred President Obama! Moving swiftly he said he will name a new Apology Czar, rumored to be either Jimmy Carter or Maxine Waters and set a schedule for more apologies to settle all past wrongs of the United States. The President is planning a public World Apology Tour for the interventions, imperialism and mistakes the United Sates has made in the past. The President believes that only then will everyone hold hands with us and join in a rousing chorus of “Kumbaya.”

The Tour Stops

November 1st – The President will travel to Berlin, Germany to make amends to the German people for our interference in domestic European politics during the First and Second World Wars. Our nation building efforts were unwarranted and resulted in unforeseen liberty and economic development. The President will recommend the return of Poland and France to German control in reparation.

November 4th – The President will stop in Pyongyang, North Korea to offer our apologies to Kim Jong-il for getting involved in what was basically a civil war. The unintended consequence of this action left half of the Korean people living a comfortable and successful lifestyle while their country stole untold millions of car sales from the Japanese.

November 5th – In Tokyo the President will announce the return of the Philippines and Hawaii to the Japanese for our unwanted interference in Asian-Pacific affairs in the 1940s.

November 11th – Set to coincide with Veteran’s Day celebrations the President will travel to Appomattox, Virginia to apologize to the former Southern states for the Civil War. He will apologize to the south for imposing the morality of the north and imposing their Judeo-Christian view of slavery on Southern plantation owners.

 TBA- Trip to France for apology for taking advantage of them during the Louisiana Purchase. Date for apology to the British for the American Revolution


9 Responses to The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: Obama Announces Apology Tour to Continue

  1. Ben Hoffman says:

    How can someone be a comedian and a hate monger at the same time?

    • jeffreyjena says:

      I’m not sure, ask Bill Maher. Oh wait, is your premise that anyone who makes fun of or opposes Obama is hateful? Or maybe only folks on the right are hateful? That any dissent is hate? Maybe you could point out something in this post that is hateful? I could sure quote some hateful things said about Clarence Thomas, Michael Steel, Ken Blackwell Michelle Malkin and Condi Rice if you want to go tit for tat. And of curse there was no hate for Bush.

      • Ben Hoffman says:

        No, I’ve never heard Bill Mahrer lie in his bits. Your entire bit is based on the lie that Obama is apologizing for our country. Acknowledging that our country has made some mistakes is not the same as apologizing. He’s trying to improve our relationships with other countries. Bush tried to bully other countries, which has never been an effective foreign policy.

      • jeffreyjena says:

        First, I was a hate monger and I asked you to point out the hateful speech. I assume you couldn’t so you change your attack to liar. Right out of Alinsky! Should I post some Maher lies for you? Or perhaps you would like to go back to calling me a hater? Or how about moro which you called me earler? Do you have fact or just name calling? All the best

  2. Ben Hoffman says:

    Yes, you’re using lies to promote hatred of Obama.

    It’s one thing to criticize policies through honest debate, but when you lie about the facts, that’s unproductive and it stops debate in its tracts.

    • jeffreyjena says:

      “All too often the United States starts by dictating … and we don’t always know all the factors that are involved. So let’s listen. And I think if we do that, then there’s a possibility at least of achieving some breakthroughs. … My job to the Muslim world is to communicate that the Americans are not your enemy. We sometimes make mistakes. We have not been perfect.”
      — President Obama, in an interview with Al Arabiya

      If this isn’t an apology then I don’t know what one is!

      • Ben Hoffman says:

        Sounds more like diplomacy to me, which is a hell of a lot more effective than bullying.

        But I understand… Your target audience is right-wingers and that’s how you earn your living.

  3. newsjunkie_ky says:

    It darn near impossible to win an argument with a fool.

  4. Courtney Fox Taylor says:

    Wow! What fun! Can I play too? I think you left out the most obvious person Obama needs to apologize to – Bill Maher! Electing Obama was a very bad career move on his part. Now he’s forced to target minority congressmen and the morons who go to tea parties and exercise the first amendment. I guess it was only good when it was HE who enjoyed free speech. If you speak out now, you’re a hate monger.

    Jeff – you need to get a show on HBO. Tell you what – I’ll make some calls. Maybe if I resubscribe, I’ll have more clout.

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