The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: Top Ten Reasons It Sucks To Be You, Dave!

I have had it with Letterman! I used to defend this guy to all of my friends who liked Leno better. I would say from a comic stand point that Jay was a great comic but Lettermen was more original and had more style and class than Leno. Two recent events have changed my mind: Jay’s classy departure from the “Tonight Show’” and Letterman’s classless left wing attacks on the kids of politicians.

Lost his Comedy Mojo

Lost his Comedy Mojo

A comic needs to be an equal opportunity offender. We can’t pick sides in politics. We can have a point of view and a favorite but being a comic means when our guy drops the ball you have to pick it up and smash it in his face. My friend and political opposite Will Durst said this a few years back about Mort Saul, and I am paraphrasing here, “ You can’t sit down to dinner with the Reagan’s and then pretend you’re still willing to sling mud at them.”

That is what is wrong with comedians like Letterman, Maher, Garofalo and Stewart. They only see one side. Why do none of them at least give love taps to Obama? Why didn’t at least one of them make some comedic hay out of Obama gaffs like “57 states” and a reference to speaking “Austrian?”

So I decided to give Dave a send off with one of his favorite bits, a top ten list. Here are my top ten reasons it sucks to be David Lettermen.

10) In a few years his “baby momma” is going to leave and take half his stuff.

9) 30 year old Alfred E. Newman look-a-like, kind of cute, 60 year old Alfred E. Newman look-a-like, just creepy!

8 )Held onto double breasted suit look longer than Billy Ray Cyrus had his “mullet”.

7) Amount of Botox needed to smooth out face would kill a humpback whale.

6) Wanted to be race car driver but couldn’t find crash helmet big enough to cover ego.

5) By the time his son graduates from college he’ll be dead.

4) Once his stalker got to know him she started following Leno around.

3) Has lower ratings than Glenn Beck

2) Got passed over for Leno, O’Brian, Fallon, Kimmel, Ferguson and Kilburn

1) Three words, “You’re on CBS”


5 Responses to The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: Top Ten Reasons It Sucks To Be You, Dave!

  1. Vinny Montello says:


    Me loves ya… but You’re losing me on this one.

    Dave is absolutely an equal opportunity slammer. I’ve almost never missed a show and have seen him take little pokes at Barack.

    And come on… he took pokes at Clinton for a decade! And before you say “yeah but he never made fun of the daughter…” true… but he used the daughter to make fun of Bill.

    One example I remember was during the whole Monica thing. I forget the joke but it was something about Chelsea getting no friends to spend the night at her sleepover (implying Bill would have made advances).

    Me… I’m a conservative and someone who likes Palin. Still I think you’re wrong on this.

    I’ll even take my defense of Dave further…

    I think his apology was too much. “Sorry you were offended. You misunderstood my jokes…” would have been enough.

    The truth is simple… Palin, a right wing conservative, has a teenaged daughter who got pregnant out of wedlock… These jokes were inevitable…

    If Johnny was alive right now he would have made these or similar jokes.

    • jeffreyjena says:

      You may be right and you may be wrong about Lettermen making Obama jokes. My friend is tracking this as part of a research project and there have been very few and they are pretty mild, usually about Biden. I am willing to say this is just my opinion but one point I have to disagree with is that Johnny would not have made the joke.

  2. Vinny Montello says:

    We’ll have to disagree on that one. I remember Johnny being quite ribald… Then there’s the whole “move the cat” legend.

    The only thing I can think of that would keep you thinking this was so bad is the idea that dave made a joke about a 14 year old girl. Even before the apology I never saw that joke about her 14 year old.

    And on top of it all, even if it was a little on the edge, all is forgiven with me when the joke is damn funny.

    That all said… it’s been too long, Jeff. Nice to talk to you. I hope all is well with you… Dennis and the families.

  3. newsjunkie_ky says:

    You must be drunk when you watch ‘Dave’ if you still find him funny. His ‘jokes’ about Obama are mainly jabs at ‘right wingers’. Letterman is a bore.

    Loved your Top Ten.

  4. Vince_S says:

    Vinny’s comment sounds reasonable.

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