The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: Buy Seeds!

Not too long ago I wrote a criticism of ads that are popular on Conservative talk radio which encourage people to buy gold. The undertone of those ads is that in the coming collapse of the world economy you’ll need your gold coins and bullion when “fiat” currencies are worthless. My conclusion was that if you think gold is a good investment at almost $1000 an ounce be my guest. If you’re buying gold because you think you’ll be able to use it in some sort future orderly bartering system you’re kidding yourself.

farm field

Recently the apocalyptic gold ads have been outdone by ads to buy seeds. That’s right friends, seeds! In case you haven’t heard the ads it seems these new scaremeisters are telling the public that the “world elites” are storing seeds in secret vaults in the Arctic. The “elites” are preparing for the coming apocalypse by storing these “non-hybrid” seeds so they will have a food supply in the post-crisis world. The ads further inform us that in the past seeds have outperformed gold as an investment and would be a great thing to barter in a post-collapse society. They also claim these seeds could provide you and your family with an endless supply of “nutrient dense” food. Buy their seeds and you will have enough to plant an acre “crisis garden.” The ads also assure the public that the product has not been genetically altered in any way.

When I first heard these ads I thought they were a parody. When I figured out they were serious I realized they show two important things; that the entrepreneurial spirit is alive and well in America and that P.T. Barnum was right. These ads reaffirm my belief in the greatest right we have as Americans: You are allowed to be as stupid as you want to be!

I suppose that there may be some sort of government seed bank in the icy north. To be honest I didn’t care enough to do an internet search to find out. I love the whole “non-hybrid” and “not genetically altered in any way” pitch. Imagine a bleak future where you and your family are starving to death, you take out one of your gold coins to barter for some food but first you ask, “Was this corn grown from a genetically altered seed?”

I also love the pitch that you can plant a “full acre crisis garden.” First, how many of you know anything about farming? Exactly! Now, even if you know a little something about farming how are you going to till your acre? Do you own a tractor? Let’s say you have John Deere sitting around, how are you going to get fuel in a post- collapse world? Are you going to turn over and plant an acre by hand? Oh yeah, do you have an acre of land sitting fallow somewhere? Exactly how many people will an acre of farmed land feed for a year?

Look, if you want to buy some seeds either for an investment or to grow some food in an emergency go right ahead. Save yourself some money and buy them at your local feed and grain or garden store and not from some huckster on the radio. If you really want to be prepared to feed and protect your family buy some guns and lots of ammo. You’ll need them to protect your acre of food if things get that bad.

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