I say why wait! While a lot of pundits and talking heads are busy dissecting the first hundred days of the Obama Nation I am looking to the future! I am going into one of my famous psychic trances to peer into the next hundred days.
In late 2008 I published a list of predictions for this year on my personal blog (http:// http://www.jeffreyjena.wordpress.com) and many of them have already come to pass. Because of this success and the urging of many liberal readers on Big Hollywood who have encouraged me to get a life I am giving up comedy and am starting a career as a psychic predictor!
My service as a psychic predictor may be a great boon to the conservative cause. There is very little we can do about the past. The budget is done, TARP is passed and the stimulus is, well attempting to stimulate. It’s hard to stop a truck that has already begun rolling down the hill but if we know what is coming then maybe we can act rather than react.
Here are some things that will happen in the next one hundred days:
Barack Obama gives the commencement address at Notre Dame. He urges the Church to lighten up! Notre Dame needs to be more inclusive. Since they have already lowered their standards by honoring a pro abortion politician maybe they could drop their admission requirements and stop discriminating against the stupid.
Obama predicts encourages Congress to pass the so called “Cap and Trade” legislation. Without this legislation he says temperatures will rise sharply through June, July and August. If the bill is passed cooling could start as soon as late September or early October.
Obama comes up with a great plan for the prisoners at Gitmo. They start a military tribunal to try the prisoners and then hold them in a new prison to be built on the U. S. Naval Base at Diego Garcia. All prisoners at Guantanamo Bay are sent to the middle of the Indian Ocean and the reputation of the United States is restored! Why didn’t the Bush administration think of this!
President Obama nominates himself to the Supreme Court! There is no Constitutional prohibition to him holding the two offices and since he is a multi-tasker he doesn’t think the job is above his pay grade.
Perez Hilton says anyone who believes in traditional marriage is a stupid %$#^& and intolerant! He repeats the statement so many times that the irony builds up in his bloodstream and he becomes magnetic. He exempts President Obama from his wrath because he says everyone knows he was just saying that to get elected.
The White House unveils plans for some new photo ops that include a cruise missile flying by the Texas Statehouse.
The Department of Health and Human Services announces a possible pandemic of summer colds. Secretary Sebelius reminds the public that the swine flu had killed only one more person than the common cold.
President Obama has no news conferences in July due to a labor stoppage by the International Brotherhood of Teleprompter Operators.
Janet Napolitano announces that she found a new way to discover potential enemies of the state. Many of them are registered on their county voting rolls under the heading “Republican.”
The OMB announces that by going line by line over the budget it will save over $35,364 over the next seventeen years by having DiGiorno instead of delivery.