The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: Obama Tortures Me Every Day

 Let me see if I can understand the liberal view of so called torture. I really am trying to understand why the left, especially the ones that work near downtown Los Angeles, have their shorts so far up their behinds. As I see it there are two questions: What is torture? Does it work?

 Let me take the second question first. Yes, enhanced interrogation techniques work. If you don’t think so then come by my house, sign the release form and I guarantee I will have your computer password, your ATM PIN and your wife’s safe word for the bedroom in an hour. The memos which Obama released last week in order to placate his far left base say so. It’s hard to accept one part of the memo and say the rest is a lie. Yet, for some strange reason he refuses to show the memo’s which the dreaded Chaney say further support the claim that enhanced interrogation worked and saved American lives. Even the guy from the right lefties love to point to as an expert on torture, John McCain says that everyone breaks. Just for the record, Mr. McCain believes all of the enhanced interrogation techniques, except for water boarding are acceptable.

So what is torture? There is no definition of torture anywhere that I can find that says what is and isn’t torture. Is playing loud music torture? Then the kid next door to me needs to get a visit from the Attorney General so I can get some sleep. Bugs where you sleep? I always knew camping was torture! Cold and naked, that was my four years in college. Someone puts underpants on your head? Ever been to a kegger? Annoying voices saying things you find offensive, then Obama and Pelosi torture me every day.

How would the left extract information from terrorists? Sit down a well lit room with some nice Lazy-E-Boys and a cold soda, lean in close and say, “Do you have something to tell me?” Then lean back and wait until they are ready to open up? Maybe we could put them in therapy and in six or seven years they would have a breakthrough!

All this “torture” crap is really just the Daily KOS and Move On trying to get back at Bush and Chaney for starting a war they don’t like. They presented a petition with 250,000 names on it to Obama demanded he go after the previous administration. 250,000 people supporting something, where have I heard that number lately? Tea, anyone? Obama, they say, has promised to get us back to being a nation of laws. Does that include our immigration laws? Doubt it!

Mr. Obama must realize that this witch hunting is a dangerous game. Someday, and let us hope it is three years and a half years or less in the future, he will leave office and someone from the right will sit behind the big desk. Maybe they won’t be crazy about something he had done in good faith, under the legal advice of his team. Does he really want that to be his legacy, ongoing investigations of the last guy? I heard some moron left wing talking head say that the decision to investigate this matter is not under the President’s authority that it is up to the Attorney General. That may be the stupidest thing I have ever heard on a political talk show and keep in mind I have seen both Keith Olbermann and Jeanane Garafolo. Trust me, if Mr. Obama called the Justice Department and said, “Drop this.” Move On, Code Pink and The Daily Crock could send over 20,000,000 Astroturf petitions and it would still be dropped. News flash to the left, once you are the President nothing is below your pay grade.


6 Responses to The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: Obama Tortures Me Every Day

  1. delaney55 says:

    So are you saying that waterboarding is okay and isn’t a form of torture? Are you saying that we were justified in doing it 6 times a day for months on end to one man? If it is so effective then why did they have to do it so many times? Torture is wrong no matter which country does it but is totally unacceptable for America to do this to anyone. We should not be engaging in torture in any form to anyone.

    • jeffreyjena says:

      I’m saying that one man’s torture is another man’s political agenda. BTW waterboarding is such an effective method of interogation that no one has to go through it more than a few times. Please answer this question. Your daughter is being held by a pedophile. She is alone and dying of thirst because the scumbag has been in jail for three days. Are you mor worried about observing his human righta and making sure we can punish him for murder later or finding out where your child is and saving her life. Please lie to me and tell me how committed you are to your political viewpoint which is easy from the comfort of your futon. The City of LA was going to be attacked, the terror cell was broken up and the city saved, the memos which Chaney has called for prove this and will be released under BHO or the next president.

  2. sole4sail says:

    A lot of funny lines. Of course, your reasoning is so far off-base it’s ridiculous, but, then again, you’re a comedian, and I guess this post wasn’t meant to be taken seriously.

  3. VibrioCocci says:

    Based on the comments I read, delaney55 and sole4sail have enjoyed the freedoms and liberties this country offers without giving back to it.

    delaney55: get off your high horse. America isn’t perfect. We may do things that you find unacceptable. I wonder how your world view would change if you lost a loved one to a terrorist attack that could have been thwarted had we TORTURED an America-hating extremist. Yes, you can cite the odds that a person will be struck by lightning or hit by a car, but tell that to the 3000+ people killed on 9/11, or the service men and women killed on the USS Cole …

    sole4sail: I could be reaching here, but I would say that you hate those evil Republicans & Conservatives because you have been told or you read it somewhere that they don’t help poor people and they want America to fail. You can’t cite any sources for this except maybe your friend over at He sure does like to use the word “#%#$%%” a lot. Sorta like a kid who gets a new toy. Only he doesn’t ever want to put his colorful toy down.

    IMHO both of you will look back at your “angry years” and laugh at how childish and immature you were because you had no life experiences other than the ones you read about on someone’s blog.

  4. Julie says:

    Hey Vibriocoochie.

    get off your high horse and stop pretending you aren’t jeff in disguise, trying to demonstrate that more than 3 people actually read this lame blog

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