The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: I Have a Gift for Obama.

Awhile back I wrote an essay about how the policies of the new administration and comments of leading Democrats had negatively impacted my business. Since my personal economic downturn was directly due to the government I thought I might be able to scam, I’m sorry, receive some TARP money from Uncle Sugar. Twice I wrote to one of my senators, Sherrod Brown (D-OH) requesting a modest bailout. I explain how just a few hundred grand would put me on solid footing and allow me to help stimulate the economy by buying a new pick-up truck and a big screen TV.

Barack the Regifter!

Barack the Regifter!

Senator Brown ignored my first letter and sent me a form e-mail reply to the second. I may try again but thus far no Tarp money for me. So I am still picking up empty cans, striping copper wire out of abandoned houses, and standing on the corner with my “ I’m like Obama, I just want change!” sign to help make ends meets. I look in the want ads and sometimes I go out and apply for a job as a painter or drywall hanger just to practice my Spanish and see what other jobs are being taken from American’s under the guise that illegals only do jobs Americans don’t want. Does anyone in Washington realize that if we got serious and stopped illegal immigrants from taking jobs from working class Americans our unemployment rate would be zero? Hey, maybe that would stimulate the economy for less than ten gazillion dollars. But I digress.

Today I was watching the news from the G-20 summit which, for awhile, I thought was a new drink from Gatorade, and heard Obama had bought another gaffe gift. He gave the Queen of England an I-pod! An I-pod? As an Apple stock holder I am happy to get the free plug but an I-pod is something you get your son or daughter for their twelfth birthday. I know Mr. Obama has had only limited experience with foreign countries but surely someone on his staff is aware they have electronics stores in London. Seems the Queen already has an I-pod but since she is the Queen and has some class she didn’t toss in down on a chair and say in that sarcastic British way, “Another I-pod, brilliant!”

This comes on the heels of Barack giving British PM Gordy Brown a stack of DVDs that weren’t the proper format to be played in England. Once again where is his staff? Didn’t any of them do a year abroad or backpack through Europe in college? These gifts seemed like stuff someone gave him, I suspect Barack may be a re-gifter! So it occurred to me that maybe the President needs a personal gift shopper. I know that isn’t a real government position but my wife has always said that the way to get your dream job is to think of something you’d love to do and then go find someone who needs that done! My only previous attempt at this method resulted in a restraining order from Ms. Anniston but I think I may be on to something here.

Imagine how cool Obama would have looked if he would have handed the Queen a first edition by Paul Dunbar or W.E.B. Dubois. If he wanted to stay high- tech he could have loaded a Kindle with the works of Maya Angelou and James Baldwin. He is our first African-American President, (in case you hadn’t heard) and a huge Lincoln fan so maybe his gifts should show a little personality of his own. Here’s an idea, how about handing PM Brown a pen that Lincoln used or a framed Lincoln signature. He’s the British Prime Minister for gosh sake it’s not like he’s gonna put it up on e-bay.

 Mr. Obama, that was a couple of free ideas, I’ll be happy to do all of your gift shopping but I need a deal. Have a word with Senator Brown and Timmy Geithner and see what you have left in the slush fund and get back to me.



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