Writers note: When I first started writing “The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy” about a year and a half ago I created a group of friends who lived in a small town. The concept was that there was actually a vast right wing conspiracy and these guys were the local chapter from a small town in rural Flyoverland. I was going to write about issues using my characters voices a my own. I found it easier to just write about issues and whatever grabbed my attention and I started publishing my blog on bigger sites that wanted straight forward essays. I may start doing some new adventures of these guys but here is one of the old ones that still hits home today. I hope you enjoy it.
Davy Ray hit the lottery on Monday. He bought a scratch-off ticket at the Plugged Deer Beer and Liquor Drive Thru and it paid him $250. When we met at the Waffle House for breakfast on Tuesday morning he was feeling pretty flush and like the WH wasn’t quite good enough for him. So we all jumped in our trucks and drove under the interstate to the Cracker Barrel. There was only four of us so the newly rich Davy said he would buy. Oddly enough after his announcement all of us were in the mood for steak and eggs.
I think Davy Ray was looking for a loophole before the bill came.
“Looks like Davy is trying to prime the economy all by himself. I can’t wait until he gets his tax rebate we’ll be eating over at Bob Evans and sippin’ Starbucks!” said Little Bob.
“I ain’t getting no check ‘cause I didn’t pay any taxes last year.” Davy Ray answered. “I lost all that money on that house I was doing the brick work on for that guy who got sent up. Then when I took my deductions for my IRA, my alimony and child support, my interest on my mortgage, and my health insurance all I ended up paying was my fourteen percent social security.”
“Don’t matter!” said Little Bob, “you gonna get your money anyway.”
“How’s that?” asked Davy Ray, “ how can I get something back I didn’t put in?”
“It’s the miracle of public sector economics.” I said. “Remember when the Lord fed all those people with just some bread and a few bass? The government does the same thing it’s just they call it deficit spending. They spend money they expect to get in future years. Right now they are spending money they expect to come in during 2016.”
“What if it don’t come in?”
“Then they print more,” I explained, “but then that leads to inflation.”
I was getting ready to explain the real miracle of how then the Fed lowers interest rates to control inflation and suddenly paying forty grand for a Honda seems normal but the guys were ready to move on.
“I don’t get the government,” added Junior, “ They want to get people out spending money so they are gonna send us checks in June. But we gotta pay our taxes in April. Why don’t they just let us pay less in April and either send less in or get a bigger refund?”
“I ain’t taking no money from the government.” said Little Bob. “That’s welfare and I am not takin’ handouts! Period!”
“Really?” asked Davy Ray. I think he just found his loophole.