The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: Psychic Predictions for 2009

 

It’s that time of year when all of the supermarket tabloids, Oprah Magazine and The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy get out their crystal balls, pour a cup of tea, cast their lots, watch the flight of hawks, read the bumps on their grandmother’s heads and try to peer into the future. Last year I was “0-fer” so the only way to go is up.

The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy predicts the following events for 2009.

That within the first six months the Obama Administration will be tested, not by a foreign power or terror group but by a gaff from Joe Biden.

Kevin Costner will appear in a really bad movie.

Ok. I admit those first two were pretty easy but I am just getting warmed up.

My buddy Ron White will enter a rehab facility and at the end of 28 days the entire place will be the place will be named the number one party place in American by Maxim.

The Minnesota senate race will be settled after July fourth by a UFC cage match after the seventh recount shows Coleman and Franken tied.

Warren Buffet, Oprah Winfrey and Bill Gates create a joint company and purchase the State of Montana

 Apple rolls out the new i-vote, a phone, MP-3 player and polling place all in their palm of your hand.

Governor Blagojevich resigns after appointing himself the new Mayor of Rush Street, a post left vacant since the death of Harry Carey who it will be revealed voted for Obama for president in Chicago.

California unveils green energy plan which is based on harnessing all of the wind power produced in Sacramento.

Obama’s brother Charles and his four wives move to the US from Kenya set up a village of huts on White House Lawn.

Bill Clinton is revealed to have had several extramarital affairs in 2008. Ok, that was pretty easy again.

Al Gore declares efforts to stop global warming have been too successful and warns of new period of global cooling. Makes movie called “A Convenient Truth”, starts business to buying back carbon credits he sold last year and wins two medals in Special Olympics.

Rush Limbaugh is assigned a position on NPR after Pelosi Congress passes fairness doctrine. He is never heard from again.

Keith Obermann is injured in accident and half of his brain is removed. His IQ goes up to 76.

Gas falls to $1 a gallon and suddenly a light goes on in Washington when several Democrats and Republicans realize that capitalism works.

GM defaults on loans and the Federal Government repos 3.2 million cars.

 

Barbara Streisand comes out of two closets and is elected to head Log Cabin Republicans.

Cubs win World Series! I have predicted this for the past 45 years and someday I will be right.

 

 

 

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3 Responses to The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: Psychic Predictions for 2009

  1. Conspirama says:

    The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: Psychic Predictions for 2009 « The ……

    The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: Psychic Predictions for 2009. By jeffreyjena. It’s that time of year when all of the supermarket tabloids, Oprah Magazine and The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy get out their crystal balls, pour a cup of tea, ……

  2. […] See original here:  The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: Psychic Predictions for 2009 « The … […]

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