The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy; Governor Paterson, I’m looking for a gig and I could use the money.

I was laughing like crazy when I saw the video of the greatest Democrat President ever ducking shoes in Bagdad.  It reminded me a lot of my relationship with the first Mrs. Jena. She was a bit disappointed with my exit strategy as well and would sometimes hurl a shoe or an obscenity my way. Let the jokes begin! Hey, Bush has always been good at ducking at press conferences! There are so many things wrong with this picture I don’t know where to start. Who exactly screens these people who get into a presser in Bagdad? Maybe that’s where all of the old airport screeners went. You remember the ones who used to be the TSA before the government socialized that sector of the airline industry.

How does a half drunk angry guy get off not one toss at the President in a war zone but two?  Where was security in the room? Was the Secret Service letting their Iraqi counterparts get in some front line action? It took fifteen seconds for anyone official to take action against this guy and then a guy who looks like he was taking a break from making gyros on Rush Street comes out and grabs the shoe flinger.

It was a nice break from the two other main threads in the media; Blagojevich and the continued deification of Barack Hussein Obama. A new thread was opened yesterday when Caroline Kennedy took her back room campaign to be appointed Senator from New York to the front pages. I just want Governor Paterson to know I am also open to being appointed to the job. Ok, I don’t live in New York but I did for awhile back in the 80’s. Besides being a New Yorker has never been a prerequisite for being a Senator from that state. I have more experience in politics than Ms. Schlossberg. I have actually worked on a campaign a couple of times and I was elected first vice president of student council my senior year in high school. There has been a lot of talk about bringing the country together and reaching across the aisle. Usually when someone from the left says this what they mean is that conservatives should abandon their core beliefs and let liberals have their way.

By appointing me to represent the people of the Empire State Governor Paterson could set a tone for the incoming Obama Administration and send a message to the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy that true change is on the way and show just how serious the Democrats are about bringing the country together. I would promise to be nice to Sen. Schumer and to vote with him at least once in the year. In addition I could use the money. Giving me the Senate gig would keep me off the dole until I reach retirement age and could get another government check from Social Security. I would do everything I could to keep our largest entitlement program solvent since it would be my next source of income.

If Caroline Kennedy really wants to be in the Senate she can afford to go to Illinois and buy a seat like a good Democrat. With the Democrats in charge of everything Blago could name her to the Senate for a prearranged price, the Democrat controlled Senate could accept the appointment and on January 22nd Obama could pardon all of them. If I were in the Senate I would be happy to go along with this in the spirit of bi-partisanship. All I can offer Governor Blagojevich is two packs of Lucky Strike and the desert off my tray for a week.

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