The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy; We Give Thanks as Atheists Celebrate Random Chance Day

If you are truly an atheist and believe in life as a result of random chance then what do you do this Thursday? It seems that if you are giving thanks then there must be someone or something you are giving thanks to, n’est-ce pas? I have always felt sorry for non-believers on Thanksgiving and when they need to utter a good expletive.  I feel this is why F*** Y** has become so popular in our time, so many folks are missing out on more basic curses because they don’t fit their world view. “Go to hell!” How can you if hell doesn’t exist? “God D***”? Not for you Mr. Science.  What does an atheist say when he drops a cinder block on his toe? Curse you randomness!

   So The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy would like to take a moment give thanks for all we have been given in the past year.

A big thanks to George Bush for finally finding the gumption to grant clemency to Campean and Ramos. They deserve a full pardon but don’t get me started on the Greatest Democrat President ever.

Thanks for Sarah Palin. Love her or hate her The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy likes anything that sends the far left into apoplectic fits.

Thanks for Joe Wurzelbacher AKA Joe the Plumber. Because of him the true nature of the leftists here in Ohio has been shown. Right to privacy? For abortions, of course, but not for simple guys who dare to question He Who Is. There are so many upsides to this story, chaos in Columbus for Governor Strickland who stood by the toady who used state time and computers to violate Joe’s civil rights. A huge settlement is coming Joe’s way thanks to a lawsuit about to be filed. At least one middle class person will be helped by a Democrat this year.

Thanks for John McCain. Maybe his defeat will finally teach conservatives that trying to please the media and the left is an exercise in futility. They will turn on you as soon as it suits their purpose. That should be a warning for you too, Barack.

Thanks to all of the Black and Latino voters in California who voted for Proposition 8.  Gay activist are stirring things up against the Mormon Church but they have withstood worse. Why aren’t gay leftists out protesting in Black and Latino neighborhoods or at Black and Latino Churches? Because they know they would get their asses handed to them on a platter. Leftists think the Black and Latino votes were “fooled” into voting for Prop 8, another sign of their racist and condescending attitudes. The fact is that a gay man has exactly the same rights as I have when it comes to marriage; he’s free to marry any woman he wants.  You don’t want to marry a woman? Hey, I don’t want to drive a Ford but that doesn’t give me the right to a Ferrari.

Thanks to the Clintons for not going quietly. Who knows what kind of fun they will dredge up for us over the next four years?

Finally and maybe most of all, thanks for every man and woman who is standing a post tonight. I will sleep easier knowing you are out there. I will try to think of you with every bite of pumpkin pie and turkey I take.


5 Responses to The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy; We Give Thanks as Atheists Celebrate Random Chance Day

  1. Tony Sidaway says:

    Thanksgiving is a North American tradition. It is not celebrated by people outside the Americas. It is not a religious feast in any meaningful sense.

    An atheist has everything to celebrate, every day of the year. Just no God to thank.

  2. jeffreyjena says:

    Thanks for reading The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy. Let me try to straighten you out on a few things. I am assuming you are not an American as you would not call Thanksgiving a “North American” holiday. It is an American holiday, not celebrated in Canada, Mexico, Belize, Panama or any of the other countries of our continent. Canada has it’s own Thanksgiving Day but it is not related to our holiday. Saying Thanksgiving is a North American Holiday is like saying Bastile Day or Guy Fawlks Day is a European holiday.

    Second, allow me to point out that the original celebrants were in fact giving thanks to God. Some to their European diety and others to the Great Spirit of the eastern tribes of Indians. I intentionally do not use the politically correct term “Native American”. I am a native american even though I am not a member of a tribe of people who arrived here from Asia only a few thousand years before the Europeans. In American we are all immigrants.

    Finally to whom or what do you give your thanks? That was my point, maybe you missed it.

  3. James deNazarus says:

    I give thanks to you. If it were not for the mentally restricted religotards who would I feel superior to? A thank you is not worship.
    In Canada we celebrate Thanksgiving on the first Monday of October, unlike the UNITED STATES (Americans live in North America, Central America, and South America) and the Netherlands which celebrate it on the 4th Thursday of November.

    • jeffreyjena says:

      Americans live in the United States of America. That is what our nationality is recognized as around the world. Canadians, as much as they want to be, are not Americans they are Canadians. Here, let me prove it. Let’s say you are abducted by some Islamic terrorists. Are you going to tell them you are an American or Canadian? Let’s say you live in Argentina and going through customs into Iran they ask your nationality, does that person say America? Please don’t be a semantic dolt.
      I believe I mentioned Canada had a Thanksgiving Day and that it did not celebrate the same event as ours. Who cares about the Netherlands and their holidays? They are a small country with very little growth potential. If not for legal pot no one would ever go there.
      In order to give thanks you must give your thanks to someone or something, my only point is that no faith equals no one to thank.
      I noticed you e mail is so I take it you are a Catholic priest. Please say three Hail Marys and three Our Fathers and go in peace, you are forgiven.

  4. Tony Sidaway says:

    thanks for your reply, jeffrey, and I hope you had a great Thanksgiving.

    I understand that Thanksgiving is one time of year when Americans make every effort to be with family, and sometimes to take in those who are unable to be with family or have no family, so that they too can feel part of the larger family. I admire that tradition even though I don’t think there’s a deity to thank.

    Not believing in God doesn’t mean mocking or disregarding the good traditions associated with such belief–atheists love Christmas and Easter. You may even have noticed that there are non-Christian traditions associated with those feasts, some of them apparently going back to European festivals that predated them.

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