I’ve been watching a bit of the Obamathon from Denver over the last few days. The usual stuff has been going on; hack speeches, call and answer audience participation, a boo and hissy fit every time the name Bush, Chaney or Halliburton is mentioned and blaming the right for everything from global warming to the common cold. I expect the same next week when the Republicans get together so I don’t want anyone getting their shorts up their crack telling me that I’m not fair. Here’s a shocker for you, I’m not trying to be fair. If you want fair try baggage claim, it’s the only thing I have ever found in life that is fair. Baggage claim treats all people with equal distain without regard to race, gender, sexual preference, age, national origin, or handicap. I’m sorry, should I have said “otherabled”?
So here are a few of my favorite moments from Denver. The first is actually from the day before the convention officially kicked off. The Democrats need the votes of centrist Christians and since they are politicians they are not above pandering. In 2004 when Bush had a headlock on that voting block the Democrats held one luncheon for people of faith, this year a whole day before the convention and four meetings during.
The “Faith in Action Interfaith Gathering” was headlined by Sister Helen Prejean. It’s difficult for me to “dis” a nun. There’s all that residual Catholic guilt and a fear of being cracked across the knuckles with a yardstick. Not the wimpy paint store kind but an industrial one with a strip of brass inset in the edge favored by sadist and Franciscans everywhere.
Sister Prejean is big on stopping the death penalty. I could get into a long and very boring rebuttal of her statistics and logic but I find it ironic that a Christian is against the death penalty because without the death penalty Christianity doesn’t exist. I also find it odd that a Catholic nun would rail against the deaths of 1120 criminals and never mention the deaths of millions children to the party which advocates the abortions laws which are responsible for ending those lives.
The next night the real show got underway and they started trotting out the dinosaurs of liberalism. After awhile the floor of the Pepsi Center began to look like the Jurassic Park of socialism. Look, there’s a Cartersaurus Rex, king of the anti-Semite appeasers, known for his inaction in the face of Islamic extremism. There goes a Kerryatops, a lumbering beast whose head is so large its vision is distorted so that it sees only its own self-interest. Under that Illinois sign over there is the Jacksonsaur, rumored to soon be extinct or even worse irrelevant. There is the rarest dinosaur of them all, seen only once every four years, known for its huge overbite, little teeth, bushy brow and delusional behavior, the Dukakisoraptor. Generally, the ignoramus Dukakisoraptor is seen running around screaming about how he got screwed and how much better things would be if he had been elected. The only dinosaur missing thus far is the Goreodactyl but he is expected to be seen as soon as he sells himself some carbon offsets so he can fly out on his private jet.
Finally, nothing warms the heart of a member of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy more than seeing a Clinton take it on the chin. I really wanted Hillary to win the nomination for a lot of reasons not the least of which was seeing a 527 group to trot out all of the dalliances the former President has had since leaving office. I was hoping against hope that they had some underhanded machinations to throw the convention into turmoil but alas the only thing the Clintons like more than power is money and with a 24 million dollar bribe on the table they played ball…sort of. Hillary could be sentenced to thirty days in county for non-support after the tepid speech she made on Tuesday, followed by more of the same on Wednesday by Billy Boy. The Clintons are great at a lot of things but grace in defeat isn’t among them. Bill Clinton has such great ability to fake sincerity that he could have been one of the greatest agents in the history of Hollywood.