Notes from The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: Obamamaina replaces Europhoria as Favorite Progressive High.


It was announced today that Obamamaina has officially replaced Europhoria as the favorite new high of the far left. Until recently progressives in the United States preferred mentioning things European when they needed a lift. For example, if you were considering buying a new car they would tell you all about their Saab or BMW.  A lot of their sentences would start, “You know, in Europe…”

New polling shows that the majority of progressives have recently switched to mentioning Obama when they wanted to put down something typically American like private property, free enterprise, or personal responsibility or if they are trying to feel superior to some Vast Right Wing Conspiracy member. Many of the sentences you hear in conversations with Progressives now begin with, “When Obama is president…”

In a recent column Maureen Dowd indulged herself in both Europhoria and Obamamania when she related to her readers how the Parisians have already elected Obama in their hearts. Her implication is that the people of Paris can predict the outcome of elections and since they are Europeans they must be more avant that you stupid Americans also indulging herself in the first and most basic of all Progressive Myths; You are stupid. This is some strange logic since the French recently elected their own right winger Nicolas Sarkozy when the popular press in American had assured all of us that Socialist Segolene Royal was a shoe in.    

I understand Obamamaina. Back in 1972 I went to see George McGovern speak three times and he was nowhere near the spellbinder Barack is. That man can read a David Axelrod speech like nobody’s business. So why isn’t David Axelrod running for president? That’s a whole different conspiracy theory.

Anyway, I thought South Dakota George was gonna change the whole shooting match. Back then the Republicans had the White House with Nixon at the wheel and since they were in charge and I didn’t like what was happening I thought I was a Democrat. I thought that there was some deep difference between the parties but what I didn’t see was that all political parties are only interested in one thing, getting elected and taking down the ensuing graft. It is the only way you can explain why they are willing to spend two hundred million on a job that pays four hundred thousand. It is this kind of genius economic thinking that helps to explain how we get six trillion dollars in the hole.

Back then all I wanted the Government out of my life as much as possible, to have the freedom to live as I saw fit as long as I didn’t infringe on anybody else’s right to do the same, and to keep as much of what was mine as I could. That hasn’t changed.

So I understand the passion for “change”.  I want change. Who doesn’t? It’s like asking who wants clean air, it’s a no brainer. My problem is I have been waiting for someone to make some real change in Washington since Jimmy Carter. Ronald Reagan made a run at it but his advances were negated by the two Presidents Bush and one Clinton.

So what changes will Barack the Magnificent bring? Windfall profit taxes on oil companies. That worked so well for Carter. Most of you are probably too young to remember the oil shortages of the seventies and Jimmy doing his impression of Mr. Rogers by wearing a sweater on his Speech to the nation and encouraging us to do the same to save energy. I can’t wait to see Barack in his sweater.


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