Note : I am posting a few tale from the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy so that new readers can get to know the characters and become familiar with the thread in my blog.
The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy Meeting for January
The boys got together Thursday at my place to watch the Iowa Caucus results. The boys generally don’t like to meet at my place because my wife doesn’t allow smoking in the house. There is nothing as pitiful as a group of grown men vanquished to the patio. They look like a group of moths huddled under the light to cop a smoke.
I had received a Plasma screen HD television for Christmas and the boys wanted to see how bad Hillary looked in high definition. Some things are better seen in soft focus and from far away like an unrestored 57 Chevy Belair or Pamela Anderson. I have a feeling that’s why your vision gets weak as you get older, so your spouse still looks pretty good. I think Hillary knew this too so she invited Madeline Albright to stand next to her. There are elephants that have fewer wrinkles than the former UN ambassador. She is the most wrinkled person active in the political process with the possible exception of Fred Thompson.
So Obama opened a giant can of Whoop ass on The Breck Girl and Hillary. We waited for the speeches and they were great. Obama spoke about how he was the agent of change and how his winning showed it. Then the Breck Girl said he was the agent of change and his finishing second proved it! Then he talked about how much we all hate rich corporations especially the ones that give us jobs and pay for our homes and such. Just to show how much he hates rich corporations after he sued a bunch of them and got rich he invested in some hedge funds and took a whole bunch of their money in stock profits. I am sure any day now he will start passing out a bunch of his money to the poor or at least invite them over to his mega mansion for some lunch.
Then Old Hillary came out and said what a great night it was for Democrats, well most democrats except her. The she went on to explain how she was the agent of change because she had finished third and warned us not to trust anyone with limited experience with the presidency. Is the irony lost on everyone except me?
The guys really wanted to see who the Republicans were voting for. As soon as the early results came up the Ron Paul supporters started seeing a giant conspiracy of neo-cons and evangelicals. Big Bob was about ready to throw Little Bob at the TV when I told him he’d have to buy me a new one and he set Little Bob Right back into the Lazy Boy. Huck had given Mitt a wake-up call that seemed to surprise all the TV pendants. Forget the fact that all the predictions had him winning or that Iowa, especially for Republicans, is like a little slice of the Bible Belt with corn instead of cotton.
Then there were the speeches. Huck got on there and said he was the agent of change and because he finished first it proved it. Then Mitt came on and said he was the agent of change and just because a bunch of fundamentalist who thought that Mormons weren’t Christians couldn’t see it his finishing second proved it.
I think the guy who showed real leadership might have been Rudi, He just skipped Iowa altogether.