The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: Jackson. Palin and the Media

I have been driving around the Midwest for the last six days with my son playing golf, watching baseball games, visiting old friends and doing a few shows. There are a lot of benefits to this well timed vacation. The weather was perfect and I missed the all of hullabaloo know as the Michael Jackson memorial. I didn’t see a minute of the lead up coverage, the “service,” or the postmortem, no pun intended.

I was listening to evil talk radio in the car and did hear and read a number of reports on the event Depending on whom I was listening to it was a freak show/circus, a fitting memorial or “not as bad as I thought it might be.”

I always thought of Mr. Jackson as a talented singer/dancer/songwriter who had poor impulse control. I thought this was due to the fact that the leeches and toadies who depended on him for money never said one simple word to him: “No!” Apparently I was very wrong! Until I heard and read reports from his memorial I was unaware of his role in our society as everything from a civil rights pioneer to basketball coach. Martin Luther King and Pat Riley take a break the king of pop has got your back. I heard he was quite the philanthropist too although there isn’t a Michael Jackson Foundation he did at one time donate a reported 22 million dollars to a single California family.

The weekend before the deification of Mr. Jackson there was another small media event which got a lot of coverage, the resignation of Sarah Palin. If you still have any doubt that there is a vast left wing media conspiracy in this country all you need to do is look at the coverage of these two people and these events by alleged journalists.

On Tuesday July seventh the Chicago Tribune featured a half page mocking of Ms. Palin by Rob Manker on page three. Page three is usually where one might find the hard news of the day but not in the Trib when there is a conservative to be skewered. Did this paper give the same kind ribbing to Mr. Jackson at any point?    

I use the Chicago Tribune only as an example. The general tone of the reporting of these two events from television to the New York Times was to elevate and rehabilitate the reputation on Mr. Jackson and to denigrate that of Ms. Palin.

The real divide in this country is not political but cultural. As far as I know Michael Jackson was not political. I doubt if he even voted in the last election. The picture of him coming out of the voting booth may have shown up somewhere. He may have voted absentee but I am pretty sure if he had voiced an opinion on the election it would have been reported. Yet the media holds up this man as an icon to be admired. A talented man who lived an extremely degenerate and narcissistic life is not only exonerated but held up and praised.

Sarah Palin, a woman who has served her God, her country, and raised a family is mocked. Why, because she doesn’t fit the stereotype that the media prefers for a successful and powerful women. She is from humble origins and has worked for every thing she has gotten. The real sin of Ms. Palin is that she is not only a conservative but a devout Christian. To the east coast, ivy league, taxi cab progressives allowing morality into government is the greatest stupidity.

The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: Driving, Baseball and Golf

Dear Readers

My son and I are still on our father/son baseball, golf and goofing off vacation. So far we have hit four hotels, three baseball games and four golf courses. We had a seven hour drive today to the very top of Michigan and he slept the whole way. 1200 miles and we are half way. Tomorrow we are hitting the Brewers and Cardinals day game and then meeting an old friend from when I used to work for a living.

Back soon with some new political stuff

The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: Independance Day

The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy is taking the rest of the weekend off to celebrate the fact that we don’t call supper “tea” and that 233 years ago some guys had the spine to stand up to the most powerful man in the world and say, “Enough!”

  Back in the days leading up to the revolution Patrick Henry declared, “I am no longer a Virginian, Sir but an American!”  We could use a few men and women like that today.

Do something tomorrow to say that you undersatnd the chance these men took when they signed their names under the final line of the Declaration,

“ And for the support of this Declaration with a firm reliance on the protection of divine providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor.”

I’ll be back next week with my take on Sarah Palin’s resignation and more. Have a nice holiday.

The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: Fred Travalena, a Great Comic Passes

Lost among the recent spate of celebrity deaths you may have missed the passing of a great comic, Fred Travalena

Fred was one of those guys who I saw on TV when I was a kid I was growing up in Kentucky.  My Dad loved comedy and would laugh out loud at the comics on late night shows. Fred Travalena, the young and unhip George Carlin, John Byner, and a host of other were the ones that inspired me to get into stand-up.  Years later it was a great thrill for me when I got to meet a lot of them. I met Fred on a cruise ship when we worked together several years ago.  He was gracious and friendly and we talked about comedy for several hours one afternoon.

Fred wasn’t the most famous comic but few surpassed his work ethic or longevity in the toughest business in the world. He worked constantly and was still a frequent guest on the talk show circuit. Most of all he was a regular guy. He never was in trouble with the law or in rehab. Married to his wife for 39 years he lived a normal life and what I have heard from folks who knew him well is that he was always a gentleman.  

He had battled several types of cancer over the last six years and finally lost his battle last week. If you want to know more about Fred or contribute to his memorial charity fund drop by his web site www.fredtravalena.com  . If you are unfamiliar with Fred and his work there are also some great videos there.

The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: Bob and Tom on Monday

Dear Readers

I will be appearing on the nationally syndicated Bob and Tom Radio Show on Monday and be seen on the WGN TV either that night or the next evening.

The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: The Real Housewife of South Carolina

Guys like South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford are killing the Republican Party. You can’t turn up your nose at Bill Clinton and Elliott Spitzer and then make excuses for Mark Sanford.  One of the reasons I usually vote for Republicans is that I like to think they reflect my conservative political and moral values. I like to think that their personal values will be reflected in the way they govern. When your personal life is in the gutter it’s hard to take the moral high ground.  I have to question the judgment of any politician who engages in risky behavior in his personal life. Bad personal life judgment means bad profession judgments.

The Real Housewife of Columbia

There are a lot of other things in this story that make me question Mark Sanford’s judgment. How can any sane man think that he can jet off to South America for a week and have it go unnoticed? My brother runs a pizza joint and if he shows up fifteen minutes late the place is in chaos. How can a guy who runs a state think he can go off the grid for a week? I have long believed that a secret is only a secret if just one person knows it. How did the Governor’s love e mail get out? Gov. Sanford’s mistress claims her account was hacked. That means someone knew where to look for these love letters.

Here is another problem: Almost no one gets caught the first time they break a rule or a law. I am gonna guess that Governor Stanford has another girlfriend or two in his past. I believe in forgiveness and that people can change but you do that in private and not while you are trying to fend off the liberals who are trying to ruin our country while your ex-mistresses are popping out of the woodwork. Mark Stanford needs to make some apologies and a quick exit from the political stage.

When he turns in his papers I have the perfect person to replace him, his wife Jenny Sanford. She has been reported to be one of his top advisors and has experience in business and government. I also think she gives the other Republican Party hottie, Sarah Palin, a run for her money in the looks department.  Here is what I like most about Jenny Sanford; she was not standing next to her husband when he gave his apology for his Argentine adventure. I have often wondered where these politicians find women who are willing to walk out behind them after they have been treated like doormats. She gave her husband a chance to straighten up when she found out about the affair a few months ago but now she is telling him to go suck eggs. She cares more about herself, her self respect and her values than the power of being First Lady of South Carolina with the possibility of moving up in a few years. If Hillary Clinton had that kind of spine she would be sitting in the big chair right now instead of hoping that she can hang on and get her shot in 2016.

The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: A Salute to the Troops

Sometimes I sit at my desk and I think about what I do for a living. Some people say comedy is hard but comedy is a byproduct of our society. Everything that we have and everything that we do in America from telling jokes to curing cancer to turning bolts in a factory is the result of a culture in our country that says country is more important than self. From the early revolutionaries to the men and women standing a post in Iraq tonight Americans have always stepped up to do what is necessary to protect our freedoms.

I believe that the average person in America, and I include myself in that number, has become complacent about the liberties with which we are provided. Most of us don’t vote. Most of us don’t pay much attention to what the government is doing. Most of us don’t care that little by little our freedoms, won and protected by the blood of our young man and women are being whittled away. Smoking is banned, but hey, most of us don’t smoke. They kicked an old lady out of her house, but we all got a great new shopping mall. The Government decides that AIG or GM is too big to fail but that’s ok because my insurance or my uncle’s pension was saved. Each time one of our freedoms is chipped away it is an insult to those who have laid down their lives protecting them.   

Over the years I have done a number of shows at military bases. Officers clubs, NCO clubs, for the enlisted guys. I’ve done shows for a few dozen marines at Camp Pendleton and a few thousand airmen at Randolph. At all of those shows I have never been heckled. In every visit to a base I have always been treated with the utmost respect. Every man and woman I met called me “sir.”  The men and women in our military service live in a culture or respect, honor and order. Stories like Abu Ghraib and other war crimes are news because among our military folks they are the rare exception and not the rule. So, if you see a man or woman in uniform on the street or at the airport say “thank you.” If you have the time, buy them a soda or a coffee. The best part is that you’ll feel great and get a bigger thank you than you gave in return.

The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: What’s in a name? A Senator Needs a Tutorial.

In the spirit of full disclosure I have to say that I find pretty much anything Senator Boxer says irratating. However, her recent disrespectful and condescending request to Brigadier General who had respectfully called her Ma’am, to call her Senator made me laugh.  

Generally speaking, I will call someone whatever they want to be called as long as they are willing to return the courtesy. My given name is Jeffrey but you can call me just about any variation of that you want as long as you do it in friendly manner. However  if your name is Charles and you insist on me calling you “Charles” and not “Charlie” or “Chuck” then you will only call me Jeffrey.  If you are a Doctor or a Professor and insist I use your title when addressing you then you must address me as Mister.

I also have a few nicknames and if you know me well enough and long enough you can call me by one of those. My golf buddies can call me any number of names that are not printable here as long as they are also marveling at my shot making ability at the same time. I also try to treat everyone in meet in daily life with respect. I address everyone I do not know with the title “Sir” or “Ma’am.” The cop who pulls me over for speeding or the person who takes my money at the grocery store gets the same treatment.

I recently did a show at a military base where the commanding officer was a woman. I was unsure how to address this much decorated military person so I asked a tough looking guy with a bunch of stripes on his arm to guide me. He told me that “Ma’am” was the proper term of address, just as I would say “Sir” if the commander were a man. Then he added some information for which I had not asked.

“Don’t address her only by her rank.” He said, “That would tell her you think she is a substandard officer.”  In the military it seems that insulting an officer to his or her face isn’t tolerated very well. Military people, being a resourceful bunch, have developed a system for letting an officer know that they don’t think too much of them. They use the term of address which least fulfills the requirement of military respect which is using only the person’s title. 

 Imagine, for example, you are an enlisted man and you are under the command of a Lieutenant Smith. If Lt. Smith is a competent leader you would address him as “Sir”, “LT” or “Lt. Smith.”  If Lt. Smith is an arrogant moron you would always address him simply as “Lieutenant.”

So when General Walsh quickly came back with “Senator” and not “Senator Boxer” I laughed because I knew what he meant; this is a substandard person for whom I have no respect!

The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: Iranian Recount Part II

Check out Bearman's other cartoons at www.bearmancartoons.com

The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: A Limited Recount in Tehran

Q. How many young Iranian voters does it take to oust Ahmadinejad?

A. More than they have, apparently!

Remember student council elections in high school. You took it so seriously, as if … Like if you just elected the right person you’d get rock music over the PA in the morning and no final exams. When I look at things like the beauty contest election in Iran for President, an office with about the same amount of  power, I wonder how afraid the puppeteers on the council of twelve high muckity-mucks must be that they won’t allow someone who they had to approve to run for office actually win.

In a statement the Guardian Council said they might be willing to have a limited recount of some ballot boxes. Remind you of anything? That is exactly what the Al Goristas wanted to do in Florida a few years back. Fortunately for us, and yes I mean you Progressives too, we let the lawyers handle it while we had a cookout and a few beers and when it was over we traded snide comments rather than bullets in the streets.

Here is the thing about the election, the Guardian Council and Iran’s Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, said that Ahmadinejad won 63 % of the vote. I think if you are going to tell a lie you should at least make it a believable lie. Like folks who listened to Wilt Chamberlin claim how many women he had slept with or Clinton saying he smoked but didn’t inhale I think the average Iranian just has a problem thinking his guy got beat that badly. I think the over/ under was only 55%.

Another problem is that the Supreme Leader, (What a great title!), has already said that the election results were a “divine verdict.”  That’s a tough position to back away from when you are not only the political leader of a country but its religious one as well. A Mr. Abbasali Kadkhodai, who is a spokesman for the Guardian Council said there might be some changes to the vote tally. So you see, maybe the current puppet president won by only getting 61%. Our Bad!

The Iranian government has termed the protests “unauthorized gathering” and Janet Napolitano wishes she would have thought of that term before the Tea Parties!