A Broke Comic Challenges One of the World’s Richest Geezers.

January 16, 2012

When somebody woke super billionaire geezer Warren Buffett from his nap the other day it seems they told him Conservative around the country have been chiding him for his tax rantings. Some suggested, me among them, that if Mr. Buffett really felt he had been short changing Uncle Sam he could take a billion or two of his dough and voluntarily dump it into the IRS coffers.

Before he was fully awake someone let him give an interview to Time Magazine in which he challenges Republican members of Congress to pony up their own dough and he will match them dollar for dollar. He even went as far to say he’d match Mitch McConnell three to one. Big whoop, Warren!   

It seems the Nabob of Nebraska has missed the point altogether on several levels. First, it wasn’t Republicans in Congress who said they weren’t paying enough; it was you, Mr. Buffett. Most of us believe we are already paying too much. So why should you challenge the Congress to pay more? 

Second, it shows that Buffett knows about the gigantic scale of his fortune. He is risking very little for big publicity. With his fortune vast and he could easily match the entire net worth of all of the members of congress and not lose a serious fraction of his worth. I put a little perspective on Buffett’s challenge for you. Let’s say my net worth is $10,000 and your net worth is $2. I ask you to bet me $2 on a challenge. In order to accept you have to risk 100% of your net worth while I will be only putting up .0002% of mine. Mr. McConnell is said to be worth somewhere between 10 and 20 million. Not bad, but a small fraction of Mr. Buffett’s 50 + billion.

This “challenge” also is exactly what Mr. Buffett says is wrong with the tax system. It not about raw dollars, his percentage is too low.

So, in the interest of fairness, I have a counter offer for Mr. Buffett that fits more with his point about taxes. I will donate 1% of my net worth to Uncle Sugar if he will. I will also try to recruit 49 more conservatives to do the same. If he will match us all we have a deal. Besides, if he believes Obama and the government are so good with money why did he shelter a huge portion of his money in various charitable funds rather than donating it to the government? Why does he take only 100K a year as salary and the rest of his vast income as dividends and capital gains? Because the taxes are lower! If this phony horse’s backside really wants to pay more he should just declare all of his income as straight salary and fill out a 1040EZ He’ll get to pay plenty. Until then, Warren, STFU!


The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: An Interesting Article

December 22, 2011

I thought you might find this article interesting.

http://www.independent.org/newsroom/article.asp?id=3206


The New Desidrata for the Camping on Wall Street Crowd

October 13, 2011

Back when I had long hair I believed that smaller government was a good thing and thought that was what all the other long hairs thought. I though we were all anti-establishment! “Power to the People!”  meant the individual person not the collective. Now I have no hair and still believe smaller government is a good thing. In the interveining time I realized that most of the other “hippie” types thought government should be smaller only of they weren’t controling it or getting a hand out from said “estabishment.”

Way back in those dark ages of the late 60’s and early severties many a hippie had the poem “The Desidrata” by Max Ehrmann on thier wall. I have rewritten it for the new “me-ist” generation.

The Enviarata

Go noisily amid the work and effort,
and remember what compensation there may be in liberalism.

As far as possible, without deny yourself anything
be on good terms with all persons who agree with you
Speak your version of the truth loudly;
and never listen to others,
especially the Christians and Conservatives;
they too have their story but its crap.
Become a loud and aggressive person,
you can be a vexation to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you will realize they work and therefore have more than you

 Become vain, envious and bitter;
for always there will be greater and richer persons than yourself.

Enjoy your entitlements as well as your scams.
Keep interested in avoiding work, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery and parents who will cut you out of the will.
But do not let this make you see what virtue there is in work;
many persons strive for a high;
and everywhere life is full of substances to abuse.

Ignore the counsel of the years,
and never surrender the things of youth.
Continue to get tattoos and wear baggie clothing into your 50’s
but do not distress yourself with dark imaginings like employment.
Many fears are born of the fatigue and loneliness of achievement.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be indulgent with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
greater than the trees and the stars; you need a participation medal like you got in soccer!
you have a right to everything someone else worked to have.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
 the universe is not unfolding as it should unless you get your “fair share.”

Therefore be at peace with God, as long as He isn’t some Christian God
and whatever your labors, (Yeah right!) and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep belittling those who work.

With all its beauty, love, and dreams,
it is still a capitalist world.
Be annoying.
Strive to be unproductive.

 


The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: The Reeducation of Tracy Morgan

June 11, 2011

That chill wind Hollywood liberal Tim Robbins warned about is indeed blowing and every stand-up comic and performance artist should be worried. However, it isn’t coming from some frustrated, prudish Christian right winger. It’s coming from the open minded, diversity embracing, tolerant other side of the aisle. Free speech is just a concept that was rejected at the pitch meeting. Artistic expression isn’t for the less enlightened. Tracy Morgan is now officially under reeducation by the Hollywood left.

In case you missed it, here is the back story: Tracy Morgan, stand-up comic and one of the stars of the NBC hit sit-com “30 Rock” was busted doing a stand-up routine at the Ryman Theater in Nashville. Unlike back when Saint Lenny was being busted the cops didn’t rush the stage and drag Mr. Morgan off. No, a single audience member got offended and reported Mr. Morgan to “the authorities” through Facebook.

The verboten topic was lack of empathy for homosexuality. The “authorities” are the liberal media. A gay man in the audience, Kevin Rogers took offence and wound up on CNN chatting about how horrible the show was.

I wasn’t there and I doubt there is a recording or transcript but from reports the “bit” was pretty raw. What I have read and seen on the internet is that Mr. Morgan was doing a rant where he imagined his son came home and announced he was gay. Mr. Morgan said if that happened he would stab him.

Yeah, I know, it’s not exactly knocking me of my chair either but that’s not the point.  

I have seen Mr. Morgan perform and found a lot of his act to be tasteless. I didn’t find a lot of his material to be funny. I don’t condone bullying or violence against anyone. However I also don’t condone drawing lines for performers or establishing sacred cows. Does anyone think that this was the first Mr. Morgan performed this routine? Doubt it! Now, under pressure from NBC, Tina Fey and uber -hypocrite Alec Baldwin, Mr. Morgan says his rant was “not funny in any context.”  Even though according to one person who attended the show, “No one was booing him. Everyone was laughing…”

Let’s step back and imagine for a minute that instead of the word “gay’ in his routine he had used the word “Republican” or “conservative.”  What if he had said, “… if my son came home and said he was joining the GOP I would stab him!” The audience and liberal media would still be praising his talent. Genius! Let’s further imagine the next day Reince Priebus issued a statement asking for an apology. More howls of laughter and perhaps a statement from Mr. Morgan telling the GOP leader he could plant one where the sun don’t shine. High fives all around!

So why isn’t the outspoken Mr. Morgan telling the GLAAD folks to kiss off? Simple, he’s worried about his job. He’s got plenty of reason to worry.  Isaiah Washington got canned from Grey’s Anatomy after using a gay slur and he did the entire apology tour. The movie “The Dilemma” was roundly criticized for using the dreaded “f’ word.  The “f” word, by the way, is not “fuck.” If you tried to stop comedians from using that word because you find it offensive Hollywood types would brand you a Nazi, fascist or worst some sort of Christian zealot. 

Meanwhile a congressman is sending pictures of his penis around the country and is being defended by Charlie Rangle who is saying “He wasn’t going out with little boys. He wasn’t going into men’s rooms with broad stances.”  That statement sounds offensive and more that a little homophobic to me. GLAAD, where are ya?


The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: Col. Gadhafi

March 29, 2011

I am not against blowing the holy bejeebers out of Col. Gadhafi, (by the way how do you run a country for 41 years and not get promoted to General) We should have done it when he killed our marines in Berlin, we should have done it when he killed Americans over Lockerbie. Let’s just not pretend we’re doing it for some humanitarian reason. Let’s be proud to say we are doing it for revenge and justice!

Let’s also stop pretending that the French, Canadians, British or any other nation which depends on our military and largess for their continued existence are in charge of anythng. 

How about we just say, ” This tin pot yapping mutt has had his day and now the time has come to repay all debts and close the books on this sad affair. We are sorry we let this fester so long. It will not happen again. As a bonus, our friends in Europe will get a lot of oil on the cheap. Saudia Arabia, Venezuela, Syria, Iran and North Korea please take note. Thank you, your friend in the United States of America.”


The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy : AOL Turns Left

February 12, 2011

I have been a subscriber to AOL since I first bought a laptop computer way back in the dark ages of 1991. That’s right my friends I am the last person in the country who is still paying for AOL! That may end soon.

I even bought stock on in AOL way back before the tech boom of the late 90’s and wish I would have sold out long ago. As an early player in the ISP business I thought AOL could have been a market leader. They have floundered both in their business model and in their content. I kept waiting for them to find their way. It’s my optimistic nature.

AOL announced last week they were buying the Huffington Post. It was announced that Ms. Huffington, one of the greatest political chameleons of all time, would control the content.  This may have surprised a number of analysts but to anyone who has been reading the “news” as provided by AOL over the last two years it was no big deal. Little in their content would change.It would be hard for anyone to imagine the content of AOL could get more left wing than it has been lately. The following three stories are illustrative of the general tone of AOL’s recent content.

Item 1- Sportswriter Kevin Blackstone posted a piece on dumping the National Anthem from sporting events. His logic is that the singing of the Star Spangled Banner is too political! After starting his column with some non-sequitur about the singing of the National Anthem in Congress in 1955 he concludes,

“But if our lawmakers don’t sing it every day to begin the country’s business, spectators of a mere sporting event shouldn’t be forced to sit through it, either, especially during the time we are living through right now.”

It seems that Mr. Blackstone views the celebration of our nation before a large public event as a punishment to be endured. He also feels, I gather from the quote above, that when things are tough in the USA we should ignore it rather than trying to find something all American’s can agree on – we live in an awesome country! If the National Anthem is too political for Mr. Blackstone maybe the flying of the flag should be stopped as well.

http://kevin-blackistone.fanhouse.com/2011/02/08/time-to-turn-off-national-anthem-before-sports-events/6

Item 2- Columnist David Corn pontificates on the sanity and political opinions of conservative icon Glenn Beck. The ultra liberal Mr. Corn, who has written for every far left rag other than the Daily Worker, see Mr. Beck’s opinion that the uprising in Egypt may turn out to be more that a blooming democracy as an insane conspiracy theory. He belittles Mr. Beck’s suspicions of Acorn and the Tides Foundation as more ultra right kookiness. In Mr. Corn’s opinion the uprising in Egypt is a pure democracy movement and to consider it as anything else is unconscionable crazy talk! I only hope our President, who has show his rank amateurism at foreign policy during this crisis, has his staff drawing up some sort of contingency plans if things in Egypt take a turn for the worst.

http://www.politicsdaily.com/2011/02/08/glenn-beck-should-fox-toss-him-out-of-the-coop/ 

Item 3- Why attack just one conservative value or person when you can you can group them into bunches and deride them as a whole? Sharon Fish seem to think all Conservative women are blundering dunderheads who couldn’t hold Mr. Obama’s jacket. They lack refinement in speech and presentation. My solace is that I am old enough to remember another conservative icon that the media and elitists derided as a fool and bumbler a few years back. He was so dangerous to their ideology that even today they are trying to rewrite history to diminish is greatness. He would have been 100 this year.

http://www.politicsdaily.com/2011/01/29/sarah-palin-michele-bachmann-and-sharron-angle-are-they-all-yo/


The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: Super Ads 2011

February 7, 2011

Before I get started on my review of this year’s Super Bowl commercials I want to come to the aid of a lady in distress. Can we lay off of Christina Aguilera and her muffed line in the National Anthem? Look, she was nervous, under pressure, and out of her element. The NFL asked her to sing fully clothed and without a stripper pole to hang onto! While I’m on the subject of the Nation Anthem why can’t the football players show a little respect when the country is being honored?  Their sideline slouching was shameful! Roger Goodell, get out your paddle and take some of those guys to the woodshed!

Once again the folks who think this is a good way to spend their investors dollars spent slightly more than the gross national product of Niger and Ethiopia combined with, in most cases, very mediocre results. With so many ads it’s hard in a short piece to hit them all so I am skipping all the promos and movie trailers although the CBS/House parody of the 1980 Mean Joe Green was one of my favorites.

I think I have finally figured out that GoDaddy.com is run by a horny fifteen year old boy out of his parents’ basement. What in the world trying to make me think Joan Rivers is hot has to do with getting a domain name is beyond me? Joan is a safe distance from “hot” no matter how many body doubles they used. I don’t know how much money Danica Patrick and Jillian Michaels are paid to debase themselves in what year after years have been the unsexiest and unfunniest ads but it isn’t nearly enough! The ads beg us to go to their website to see the “uncensored” ending to the ads. I wonder how many frustrated high school boys went to Go Daddy thinking they were going to see Ms. Patrick and Ms. Michaels in the buff but only found a lame joke/dance number instead. Can someone tell me the name of Go Daddy’s biggest competitor is because I am moving my domain names!

The Groupon ads with Timothy Hutton and Cuba Gooding Jr. were clever and as a conservative I liked how tweaked liberal causes. This series was among my favorites until I had to explain to my 12 year old boy what a “Brazilian Wax” was after the Elizabeth Hurley ad. Do we really need to be making jokes about crotch waxing during a sports event that is watched by families?

Pepsi Max/Doritos continued their series of homemade ads which this year fell woefully short of the high standard that had been set in previous years. Cans to the groin, spousal abuse and felony assault: hilarious! The finger licker and pants sniffer guy was just creepy and made me wonder how the HR person at this company still has a job. I must admit I did like the “tiny dog through the door” ad and if I were picking the winner “house sitter who revives grandpa” would get the money.

Some brief takes some of the other ads. Eminem doesn’t do commercials but had two on during the super bowl. Anyone convinced the rap star is pimping down Woodward Ave. in his Chrysler 200?  Coke Dragon ad: predictable. Faith Hill Teleflora: Nice “rack” joke, please refer to Elizabeth Hurley comment. Richard Lewis and Roseanne Barr of Snickers: not bad for variations on a theme. Motorola Xoom: Let me see if I have this right; if you have a Xoom you are a rule breaker and unlike all the zombies using that other Smartphone, you know the one who did the original 1984-ish ad years ago. So let’s all run out and get a Xoom so we can all be the different again. Do I have it?

http://www.tuaw.com/2011/02/06/motorola-xoom-ad-inspired-by-apples-classic-1984-ad/

Chevy Truck/Lassie, I chuckled! Bud Light/ Home Improvement: weak. Bud Light/Dogs: weaker! Chatter.com: forgettable. Mercedes Benz/Diddy: Look who we spent too much money to get in our ad! Chevy Cruse/Old Folks: Oops I think you missed a cliché! Career Builders: Monkeys are always funny! E Trade/babies: Apparently as babies get older they lose their sense of humor!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_UR1t_Kj0w

The cream of the crop for this year were very good! The Bud Light “product placement” ad was an example of taking a joke and running it into the ground until you can’t help but laugh!  When the Bud Light truck comes screaming into the frame I was LMAO! Both Bridgestone Tire ads were clever and well done. The “reply all” ad was my runner-up favorite of the evening. Is there anybody under the age of 90 who hasn’t sent an e mail they wish they could pull back? The other Bridgestone ad had a high cute factor with the beaver repaying the driver who swerved to avoid hitting him.

I liked Kia “Epic Ride” but my overall favorite for the day was the CarMax, “I Feel Like…” ad.  Though both ads followed a series of connected vignettes the quirky similes of the CarMax ad made it my big winner! Agree, disagree or maybe I missed your favorite, let me hear from you!


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